


A Flower That Blooms In His Eyes

by Demoneyedwanderer666



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Angel Castiel (Supernatural), Angel Wings, Angel/Human Relationships, Angels of Death, Angst and Romance, Biblical Scripture References (Abrahamic Religions), Castiel is Not Okay (Supernatural), Castiel's Angelic Grace (Supernatural), Castiel/Dean Winchester First Kiss, Dean Winchester Has Mental Health Issues, Dean Winchester is Bad at Feelings, Dean Winchester is Not Heterosexual, Dean Winchester is Protective of Castiel, Depression, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/F, First Meetings, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hurt Castiel (Supernatural), Hurt Sam Winchester, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Love at First Sight, M/M, Mental Anguish, Mental Instability, Multi, Other, Psychological Torture, Psychological Trauma, Psychologists & Psychiatrists, References to Ancient Greek Religion & Lore, References to Depression, Sam Winchester Has Mental Health Issues, Sam Winchester is Not Okay, Slow Build Castiel/Dean Winchester, Substance Abuse, Suicide, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-04
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-17 23:46:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 21,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29849331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Demoneyedwanderer666/pseuds/Demoneyedwanderer666
Summary: It's been two months since Sam tried to take his life.Dean's willingness to keep a hold of himself wanes as the days go by while Sam continues to evade any attempt of self recovery, but something clouds the mind of the younger Winchester- something even beyond Dean's control and understanding.And things don't get any easier as a winged stranger in black with profound pools of blue seeks him out for a mission that would change his life foreverWhat is the secret that's begging to come out from those cosmic lips that he keeps contained?And what does fate have in mind for the brothers and the mysterious man who emerged from fissures unknown?
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel & Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester
Kudos: 2





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone! This is just a warning beforehand so if anyone is uncomfortable with topics such as suicide, self harm, compulsions, psychobabble and anything related to disillusioned and crippling mental health then be CAUTIOUS of this fanfic because I intend on delving into this topic in all seriousness, especially in the chapters focusing on therapy. I'm just advising you so that you may be careful with the work I present and I hope it doesn't harm you in any way, I'll try my best to not be severe because I know how the mind can be cruel sometimes.  
> I hope you enjoy what I bring out and hopefully have fun too! It won't be all serious so don't be scared hehe
> 
> Happy reading!

It was like any other day in this house 

The pitter patter of rain soothing out the smoky crackle of the fire in a warm, furnished home - distant memories teetering away on the windows and wandering in every dark crevice the blaze couldn't reach. The usual humming of days past, just like any other day. 

So why?

Why was he sprawled out like that in a pool of blood? 

And why was I too late to stop it? 

**Sam?**

* * *

Someone lurks near a drenched, wilted tree, a silhouette underneath the dark clouds wearing a black trench coat with their hooded eyes that blend into it effortlessly. They gaze upon the house in question, the echoing cries and pleads loud even with the harrowing winds that dull them out. No one else could hear the shuffling and muffled screams and they didn't expect them to, who even cares at this point?

 **He was all he had**  
**He was all he had**

Their thoughts strained the being's amiable face, their brows furrowed by the incessant prayers and the stillness from the body the man held. 

**This wasn't supposed to happen. I was right here- I was right here!**

The figure disappears, leaving no trace of their existence in the downpour. The sound of flapping wings and a deep sigh the only factor that reverberates in the dense fog. 

_It's not his time yet_  
_Not yet_


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so let's make this clear. Sam and Dean aren't hunters in this reality but a lot of the elements revolving around Supernatural remain the same, for other characters mostly and also there will be additions from my own research as well. I hope you like it so far and I'll try writing better! Hopefully this fic won't be a disaster like my previous ones!

2 months

2 months have passed since Sammy tried to take his life.

To think I handled it well would be an understatement, Dean Winchester mused as he downs a strong cup of coffee relentlessly. The sun glimmered lazily through the tainted blinds, he sits on a barstool with his elbows resting upon a marble counter, the routine and actions engraved in his mind without even realising it. Everything seemed settled enough inside his head but the same heaviness lingered even with his caffeine fix - was he becoming immune to this too?

Familiar footsteps ring away in his mind and he's pulled back into their space once more, Sam walks in wearing nothing but his ruffled pajamas and slides onto the stool beside his older brother, who's eyes moved with every step. 

Sam pulls his sleeves over his scarred wrists and fidgets uncomfortably "What's for breakfast?" He asked in his usual tone, his smile only a fragment of who he used to be. 

"Eggs and bacon but I got that cereal you like" Dean breaks the tension as he takes his last sip and pushes himself off "I'll go get it-"

"I-its fine!" Sam snaps with his wavering hand "I...I can get it" he drags himself towards the beige cabinet in front of him and pulls out a box and a bowl, his head low the whole time. 

"I just...I was just trying to help, Sam"

"I know"

"After what happened I only thought-"

"It's okay Dean, we don't have to go over this right now" he pours the milk and shoves his spoon angrily

Dean feels at a loss again, unsure of whether he should continue the conversation - he wanted to but something in the air told him to reconsider.   
"So, any plans for today? Maybe we can catch a movie when I come home?" Dean's calm tone reaches Sam in a way but he only scoffs in his little brother way

"Nah, I think I'll pass on movie night" 

"Well, we can do something you like, anything in particular?"

"Dean, just stop" 

Dean clenches his jaw and rubs his face slowly, his patience wearing thin the longer he tried to keep his dialogue professional "Sam, I'm not - can't you see that I'm trying here?"

"I never asked you to"

"That's not the point of this. I'm trying to talk to you but you just..." His head sinks as he tries to find another way to ask his little brother without triggering him somehow "Is it something I did to you? Is there something that I'm missing here?" 

"No, Dean. You've done enough for now"

"What have I done Sam? Because frankly I'm in the dark here"

"I'm going to therapy, aren't I? Isn't that enough for you? Now I have to talk to you too?" He starts walking away but Dean manages to catch him before he could

"Sam, you know I had no choice. If you weren't going to tell me what you're going through then -"

"Yeah, so let someone else pry into our perfect life, is that really the excuse you're giving me?" Sam hates his brother's touch upon his arm but he doesn't do anything to pull out of his grasp. Dean wants to tighten his grip but he could already feel him slip away, his little brother's distant eyes were evidence enough

**I'm failing you**

"Man I'm...you know that isn't an excuse, not after what happened. I'm just...worried about you. Is that so wrong of me?" Dean loosens his grip and let's his hand slide, his pain stricken face a mirage in his brother's eyes. 

Sam turns slowly as he wipes away a tear "That isn't even the problem anymore Dean"

"Then what is?" Dean didn't realise his voice had risen and he immediately catches himself before he lost control

"You know why" 

Dean meets his gaze and tries to uncover the doubt and misconceptions looking back. But everything is blank, no matter how deep he dug

"Heh, I thought so" Sam shrugs and walks down the hall towards his room "You'll be late for work" he mumbles and slams the door behind him. Dean flinches by the sound but remains motionless, his arms thrumming by the anger stirring in his veins, it was unbearable but it lessened the pain somehow. 

"I'll be home soon. So...just be there when I come back, okay?" Dean tries to hide the hurt in his voice as he calls out, he waits a little longer for his brother's response but he didn't deserve that privilege it seems. The older Winchester pulls the keys from it's hook and walks out the door, the day beckoning him to start over again. 

If only it were that simple

* * *

  
"Have you checked on the inventory? The new parts were supposed to come in today" Dean exchanges glances with his colleague, his voice stern but still friendly enough. 

"Yeah, Meg and I plan on rechecking if everything is in order" Garth scratches the knots in his nonexistent stubble, his eyes wide and eccentric

"We'll let you know when we'll be done with it" 

"You better tell me this time Garth, I know how Meg has this tendency to cut out early for her little escapades" Dean chuckles but keeps his eyes buried in paperwork "And I need you to deal with the brake fluid for that Porsche too, don't make me ask you twice"

"Okay, but you'll accompany me in a while, right?"

Dean was irritated by the sheer innocence in his voice and he feels compelled to say something about work ethics and how babying his workers wouldn't help anyone. 

But he doesn't 

"Yeah, I'll catch up when I'm done with this crap" he forces a smile and it's enough to convince Garth to leave his office with a silly grin and a tip of his hat.

"You need to stop being so sweet on everyone" Bobby's gruff voice breaks the constant pen dribbling as he settles down in a seat in front of his desk and sighs "Nobody ain't gonna get anything done if you're always soft"

"I'm not always soft Bobby" He winces internally at another sheet of paper and another contract

"Mmhmm" Bobby's derisive humming agitates him a little but it doesn't affect his speed, he wanted this distraction more than anything right now. 

"I know something's bothering you so it's best that you lay it out for me because I don't intend on opening that can of worms myself" Bobby leans in and starts tapping a pen on his desk and he had no intention of stopping any time soon. Dean gives in to the aggravating noise and shuts his eyes tightly, the dread in his sigh apparent before he even started talking.

"The only thing bothering me is this - damn pile! What made you think it was a good idea for me to be the manager of your shop?" He gives up and rubs his temples gently but it didn't help anything 

"You needed it to keep your god damn house, a house where you're the sole earner, you dumbass" Bobby shakes his head and claws at his chin, the crinkly beard tough against his fingernails "You of all people deserved this job especially now that..."   
Bobby stops at his realization and looks up defeated 

"It's today isn't it? Sam's first session?"

Dean clenches his jaw and doesn't respond, his eyes evading his old gaze by counting the number of paperclips near him. 

"Balls. I completely forgot that it was today, no wonder you were being so nice to everyone"

Bobby chuckles but it comes out more strained than he had intended

"You happy now? Can you leave me so I can get this shit done?" Dean fists his hand through a new file and starts to read even if his eyes were failing him "I asked you to leave Bobby. Just let me work, okay?" Dean looks up at the old man and feels his hollow stare bore into him, but Bobby was never the type to just leave 

"You gotta stop blaming yourself you know. You being this way won't help your brother with whatever he's dealing with, you're busting your ass for these damn sessions anyways so what's the point of worrying over something that isn't set in stone?" 

"It's not the stuff I'm worried about now, it's..."

Dean swallows and covers his eyes, his walls slowly chipping away as he did "It's the stuff from the past that I - that I can't let happen again" he stifles a groan as he buries his face in his hands, a failed attempt of escaping this conversation somehow. Bobby places his hand on his spiky disheveled hair and pats it pitifully, he wanted to give him his support but hugging him wouldn't do the man any good, so he settled for this instead. 

"The only way you can escape the past is if you choose to let it go, son. I know you boys have been through a lot lately and I wish things were different between the two of you, but you gotta hold on through this right now, okay?"

"What if he tries to hurt himself again Bobby? I've tried with the guy and it seems like I've failed before I even start"

"Like I said Dean. Nothing is set in stone. They only way you can overcome any of this is to see it through to the end"

Dean doesn't feel convinced in the slightest but the gentility of his surrogate father's tone was enough to ease his thoughts somehow, he nods and returns his touch with a simple pat and a weak smile upon his lips. Bobby takes his leave and closes the door behind him, leaving a gentle clicking in it's wake. 

Dean is left alone again with his endless papers and dissociating attention span but a buzzing in his jeans pulls him out from the overflowing dread. He checks the notification in his phone and reads an unexpected text from Sam, it brings a smile to his tired face but it doesn't last long. 

_I've made it to the doctor. No thanks to you._

* * *

Sam winces by the afternoon sun blazing through the window as he struggled to find the correct letters in his keypad and types a message to his brother. After that ordeal was done he took a sigh of relief and starts looking around the depressing waiting area he was forced to suffer in. The brown furniture was depressing enough and he feels himself squirm at the pitiful potted plants that lurked in every corner, couldn't they have made this room a little less...dead?

He crossed his arms and tried scrolling through his phone but going through the same apps was making him nauseas and he stops altogether, he couldn't get into anything no matter how hard he tried. 

_You won't know unless you actually go_

_I did my research on the guy, he's one of the best in town and many of his patients recovered from whatever they were going through_

_I know it's not an easy way out but what else in our lives was ever easy?_

_I know you want to talk to someone, I'm sad that it's not me Sammy but I had to do something._

His head spiraled by the scenarios he kept replaying in his head, it wasn't helping him in any way but he couldn't help himself, nothing else occupied his mind and he was sick of it. He was sick of everything that happened and the feeling wasn't going away. 

A person's cough brings him back to his surroundings and he groans at the loud ticking clock, it had only been 10 minutes. 

He deliberated whether he wanted to send an angry text to Dean or maybe send one to Charlie and complain about his brother to his capricious, red headed friend but he chose against it. He didn't want to bother anyone with his problems. 

_Not like they'd understand anyways_

"Sam Winchester?" 

Sam flinches by the sudden voice and locates the source behind red rimmed glasses and an old wooden desk "Y-yes?" He stands up without realising it and starts rubbing his hands 

"The doctor will see you now, right this way" they point towards their left and Sam nods with an embarassed grin, he felt the air in his lungs fade as he knocked on the door. 

"Come in" a kind voice responds and he makes his way inside, his beating heart still questionable at best. 

It was like any doctor's office, brown was a common theme in the coffee table and the the two Larkin sofas that appeared on opposite ends, the wide window gazes over the small children's park and blends with the sunlight as it reflected off of each surface. There were bookshelves stacked with multiple volumes of the DSM, some books dwelling over spirituality and many terms he didn't recognize. He even managed to catch some comprised of psychology research papers, one even read...

**Besieged by Devils — Thoughts on Possession and Possession States**

_Yikes_

"Have a seat...Sam is it?" A pair of blue eyes look over a file with his name sprawled over

"Y-yes" he stutters but makes his way towards the unoccupied sofa. Sam fiddles with his thumb as he waits for the man to finish reading. He was quite older than he had imagined but not old enough, his blonde mop of hair had very few grey strands but the creases around his eyes and his smile was deep, Sam couldn't help but feel a sense of familiarity with the man and felt at a loss at the sudden eye contact

"It's kinda chilly today, isn't it?"

"What?"

"The weather, Sam"

"Oh, I think it's...alright" his thumb fiddling continued, the odd silence between them was agonizing

"I always like the start of fall, just a faltering balance between cold and warm. A transition waiting to happen"

Sam hums in response, _was this guy seriously talking about the weather?_

"Okay, so let's get down to it. Why do you think you're here?" He clasps his hands together as he leans forward, his grey dress shirt and work pants ruffling from every corner.

"Isn't that your job? To tell me what's wrong with me?"

"What gave you that idea?" The doctor laughs and slaps his knee a before he continues "You know we're not mind readers, right?" 

_What the hell was this guy?_

"Yeah. I suppose not, there would be no point in this field then, would it?"

"You have something against psychiatrists, Sam?" 

"No. Not really"

"Then why are you answering every question with a snarky remark?"

"I don't know. Force of habit I suppose" 

He chews on his lower lip and smacks his lips at Sam's hesitant response, he had a feeling he caught up to his tone and Sam hated feeling so read and exposed

"It's come to my knowledge that you had gone through a traumatizing experience a few months back, is that correct?"

Sam doesn't answer, he just glares at him with uncertainty

"Can you tell me about it?" 

"There's nothing to tell, even I don't know what happened"

"Then tell me what made sense to you. Don't hesitate even if it doesn't, I'd like to hear about it"  
Something in his voice tugged on Sam's heart, it was a familiar sensation, like a friend lending an ear or having a shoulder to cry on, just the overwhelming relief of finally being heard. He managed to feel all of it. 

"I don't know if I'm ready to talk about it" 

The doctor hums knowingly, as if the question wasn't directed towards Sam at all "I understand that you need to pace yourself in the further sessions but in order for the healing to start we need to dive into the pieces of your life, and I hope you know that I want to help you, Sam. But only if you let me"

Sam manages to look into the other man's eyes, his stare beckons him to speak as if by some strange compulsion, were all psychiatrists this good at pulling information out? 

"Okay" Sam answers without even realising what he had said

**What? Why the hell did I say that?**

"I guess I'll start by the night it happened"

**And why am I still talking?**

The doctor crosses his arms and places his leg over the other, his eyes utterly focused on him even if Sam struggled with the words he had no control over

"I tried to kill myself...2 months back... because-"  
He swallows hard and wipes a nonexistent sweat from his brow

"...because the voices...in my head told me to" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The DSM stands for the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Disorders and every psychologist and psychiatrist will possess one because it's a whole ass manual, kind of like a Bible in the field haha. 
> 
> And if you're wondering about that psych paper then YES it's actually legit, you can search for it and read the abstract section to fuel your curiosity! Hehe
> 
> Okay so next chapter highlights!
> 
> Sam and Dean are unable to communicate and tend to miss one another both physically and verbally. Frustrated, Dean decides to venture out and blow off some steam where he interacts with a pleasant stranger and encounters a brooding man in black with eyes that possess a mystery. 
> 
> Stay tuned!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2 Summary: 
> 
> Sam and Dean aren't on the best of terms, Dean stresses out over things left unsaid and the younger Winchester goes to therapy, where he unveils one vital piece that led to the night of his attempt.

"Sam?" Dean shuffles inside lazily, escaping the chilling grasp of the world behind him. The house looked the same, the stillness a stale reminder of everything he used to have long ago. He couldn't help but feel the hand of death pull him in and it always left him nauseas

Is that what Sam felt? 

He shakes away the thought and pulls off his waxed cotton jacket, the black fading away from certain edges. He just couldn't part with it, too many memories were attached to the damn thing. 

"Sammy? You here?" He fidgets and then starts to quicken the pace, poking his head into every room as the panic in his eyes rose "Sam-?" He stops in his tracks and sees his brother lying in his bed fast asleep. 

It was only 8 pm

He wanted to ask him about his session, ask him how everything went and whether the dude was a creep or not but the rejection and Sam's willingness to solitary confinement was clear enough, so he closed the door. He stood for a while in the hall, holding onto that flickering hope that maybe this time Sam would be the one to reach out but it was all in vain. Everything felt duller even with the calm of the night surrounding the house, this stupid fortress just rotting them away behind every closed door. 

No, let go of the past - remember? 

He pushes away from the door and walks towards the kitchen counter, his fingers tapped away as he deliberated over a thousand things in his head. 

**Screw this**

He walks towards the coat rack and slides into his coat and turns to look at the house one last time as he slams the door behind him. 

I guess the night wasn't done with him yet. 

* * *

  
The club was packed even on a weekday, Dean had to hold in a grunt every time a minor tried to persuade the bouncer. The neon sign blazed in the cold rain and he tried matching his breathing every time the individual letters would glow, it was his only pass time at the moment - the non preferable kind but what else could he do but wait? 

_I've been doing that a lot lately, haven't I?_

"Next"

_Can't I just drink the night away without feeling shitty every second? Was that too much to ask?_

"Right this way sir" 

Dean slides in without saying thank you, that's how frustrated he was without alcohol in his system, he wanted to forget everything and rushed through the procedural coat hanging and paces himself down the watermelon pink steps. 

The flashing lights assault him as he made his way through a sea of people, sweaty hands, gaudy lights, breaths of liquor and vomit, all of it invaded his space as he tried to push through as gently as possible, he had no intention of disrupting anyone regardless of how shitty their dance moves were. And he didn't even want to start with the music, it felt like his ears were bleeding the more he delayed reaching the bar. 

"What can I get you?" 

"Straight vodka and your finest tequila shots, and keep em coming" he squabbles towards the bar and gives the bartender a coy smile as he orders. He doesn't really respond to his gestures and slides a glass towards him. Dean downs it with a few swallows and hisses by the strength of it.

"Rough day?"

Dean didn't think that the voice addressed him at first but then a pair of blue eyes swam out of the many colours of the dance floor. He looked near his own age even with his tawny beard and spiky hair, he had a good build and didn't leave much to the imagination with his fitted dress shirt and stellar smile - anyone would've felt swooned by the stranger's demeanor.

_Almost anyone_

"What?" Dean directs the source of the voice with a question, making sure he didn't imagine it  
"I notice the drink you're holding, it's pretty strong for a night so early" he laughs and manages to stand beside Dean with his elbows placed on the bar

"You're gonna lecture me now?" He takes a swing and points for a refill

"Nah, just an observation" he winks and radiates with the same smile "So why are you drowning yourself in alcohol on such a fine night? Your lady leave ya?"

"Heh, not even close. I don't swing that way buddy, haven't in a long time" 

The stranger is intrigued and draws himself closer, Dean could practically smell his musky cologne even with all the liquor around him

"Dang, then it must be real serious if you came all the way out here" he calls on the bartender and orders two glasses of bourbon "Now I really need to know your story, drinks are on me"

"I can't be bought that easily. Who do you take me for?" Dean gives him the side eye but he feels grateful for the company, even if it was a little random. 

"I dunno. I don't even know your name" he shys away and drops him a massive hint in the pause that ensued, to which Dean responds, feeling like an idiot as he does. 

"Dean" he gurggles through his slightly drunken state and rejuvenates himself with the bourbon  
"Benny. Benny Laffite" he smiles and takes a swing of his drink "So tell me Dean, what's your story"

"My story?" He addressed the absurdity of the question

"Y'know, the reason why people like us find each other in places like this. The usual fill of melancholy in these trying times"

"Wow, I bet you're fun at parties"

Benny laughs and tries to calm himself with his drink, even Dean manages to smile at the sound "Brother! You really are something y'know that? It's good to be humorous even when you don't want to be"

"What makes you think that?"

He diverts his gaze and captures Dean off guard, he feels lost within his eyes and it terrified him the longer he stared "I can read it. I'm kind of unique that way"

"You-uh-ahem" Dean dusts away the non existent creases in his shirt before he stumbled towards his sentence "You can _read_ people now? Seriously Benny?" He rolls his eyes playfully and takes the tequila shot, sighing and flinching by the stinging it brought to his throat

"If I were joking I would've let you know" Benny chuckles and continues near Dean's ear "I always was an empath even with all of the burley and masochistic teachings my dear old daddy taught me, god rest his soul" 

"Don't tell me you actually thank the guy for it?"

"Hell no, not in any lifetime. It's just hard to get over what family does to you, y'know?" He rubs his shoulder into Dean's and he nods in affirmation, his eyes warm towards his handsome companion for the night. 

**I know that feeling**

"Either way, maybe all the shit he put me through wouldn't make me be the person I wanted to be so I guess I can thank him and his crap for making me see that, well...it's crap" he grins and clinks his glass with Dean's, how was he still on one glass?

"Hmm, I s'pose so" Dean hums affectionately, clearly the alcohol was working it's way into his system. He started to feel mellow in his bones and the walls around his gruff exterior were slowly turning to dust. 

"Ha! It hasn't even been long since we started talking and you've managed to drink half of the shelves back there" he laughs and hides his red cheeks with his hands "Something must be bothering you quite a bit" 

"Nah, I'm just an alcoholic" Dean mumbles as he pushes himself away from the bar and starts fingering his wallet for cash "Thanks for the bourbon and the weird conversation but I gotta...I gotta go" Dean hands out what looked like a 30 but he couldn't tell from the bursting spotlights above him

"You're really gonna keep me hangin'? I thought you were easing up to me a bit" 

"I don't like people who read...people" Dean starts to walk away, the buzz kicking in every step he took

"Haha! I know you're being cautious and all but I'm harmless really" 

"Oh yeah? What makes you think I'm being cautious?" Dean stops and turns to look at him with his shaky hands in his pockets 

"I don't, that's why I'm going on a whim here" 

Benny tells the bartender to keep it on his tab and he rushes towards Dean even with people getting in his way "I'd like to get to know you better. Now I know it's a bit out there and I ain't forcing you into anything but I did enjoy this little get together of sorts" 

"You literally just said I was cautious and now you're asking me if I want to see you again?" Dean chuckles awkwardly, he feels annoyed at his own actions and Benny's persistence but if he was being honest he actually enjoyed talking to him and hearing someone else's voice for a change, someone _new_. 

"Like I said, I can read people and something tells me you didn't want to cut my head off" he smiles sincerely but a strange fear grew in his eyes, was he scared of getting rejected? 

Dean turns away and pushes through the crowd "Singer's Mechanics! Look me up" he shouts in his direction without turning around completely and keeps pushing on further, he'll let fate decide the rest for him, just like always. 

The music was drumming in his ears but the alcohol made it relatively bearable, the buzz still lingered as his wary consciousness started to come back and he wanted nothing more than to go home and sleep the night away, awaiting the well deserved hangover in the forthcoming hours. He lets his mind wander as he pushes out of the crowd and takes the steps towards an elevated platform where the tables and booths lay with a multiplicity of hidden rooms and cursed bathrooms - the usuals in every sleazy club in America. He scratches the back of his head and gazes at the dome structure one last time but as he turned towards the exit he found himself frozen in place. 

A man in a black trench coat passes by him, his striking blue eyes avoiding everything and everyone as he made his way towards one of the hidden booths, his brown hair was slicked back but still held a messy look over his furrowed brow. Even with his poker face Dean couldn't help but stare at him, seconds passed as he tried looking for a flaw but he couldn't come up with anything. He was... _beautiful_

"Hi..." Dean blurts with a ridiculous smile plastered on his face 

**What the hell?**

The trench coated figure paid no heed and continued further 

**Did he just ignore my ass?**

Dean felt gutted, 2 rejections in one night?! He didn't have much trouble when he dated women! He wanted to walk away and scream in his impala but the alcohol in his system made him want to act reckless for once, what good did being responsible bring him? 

"Hey! I-I was talking to you buddy!" He follows him and gets ignored once more but drunk Dean wasn't going to give up without a fight "I wanna tell you something! Ssstop!" 

The second stranger pulls the curtain away and stares at something, could he just interrupt a booth session like that? Dean felt exhilarated by the mystery and walks even closer but before he could say anything a loud piercing sound erupts inside the club

_Gunshots?_

The music dies down and the bouts of laughter and ecstacy is replaced with shrill screams and the clamouring of a stirred, drunk crowd. The stairs weren't big enough as they dug their way through each other, staff and guards alike were stunned by the commotion and felt overwhelmed by what was happening.

But the man in the trench coat, he still stood. Unmoved by whatever was happening around him   
Even with the emotions and thoughts running through his mind he walked in closer, as if confirming his suspicions would help ease something inside of him. It wasn't the first time he heard gunshots but something felt different this time. Dean sees someone shuffle out of the booth and starts fixing their black suit and combed hair, his eyes drained in the most unnerving way. He pushes through him and takes a door he didn't even know existed down the neon halls, was he?-

He looks towards the trench coated figure again, still stellar and breathtaking even as the screams surrounded him, it was the strangest feeling really, just standing here watching him extend his hand towards the bloody man shrivelling up in pain, the leather of the seat painted with his blood as he tried to hold himself together, it didn't look good in the slightest. 

"Please...get some help..." The wounded man reached out and stared at the trench coated stranger "Please..." 

"It's alright" he finally spoke, his voice much deeper than Dean had anticipated. He extends his hand and grabs the victim's blood stained ones and grasps onto them tightly, it looked like he knew what he was doing and Dean shivered by the uncertainty. 

**What the hell was happening?**

The man starts shaking his head slowly and whimpers "I can't...it's too soon..." he doesn't let go of the spectacle in front of him and the stranger only smiles in response, his glimmering blue eyes softening as he nodded 

"It's alright. No need to be afraid" 

Dean shifts his gaze to the man bleeding out and feels suffocated at the sight. He holds onto the stranger's hand as if it held an answer to his prayers, he wanted to make it, he was confident enough that he would but there was a stillness in the air, like death

The constant shakes of his head subside and his eyes grew wide at the man in front of him. The hands he held onto slowly slip away and his arms slump down to his side, the blood still trickling from his mouth and his fingertips. 

"What the hell did you do?" Dean feels his veins throb in his neck as he sees the life fade away from his eyes, he was fighting so hard right now... _so how was he?_ -

This time the stranger does hear him and turns, his eyes ablaze by an unknown horror, Dean couldn't help but stare at him back even with everything that was happening. Even with the overbearing weight and fear in his chest he couldn't help but think how beautiful he looked with his blue, fear stricken eyes

"That's not possible...how can you-?" He speaks under his breath as he steps away, the words escaping his lips before he even realised it

"Hey! Who are-?" Dean tries to pull the man towards him but the moment he blinked he disappeared, leaving him empty handed. 

**What the hell was happening?**

He feels jaded at the sight, his insides twisted and every known organ pulsates through his skin. What was this sensation? He holds onto his abdomen and presses onto it for some relief but he falls to the ground, his head filled with nothing but those stern blue eyes and flashes of faces and eyes unknown to him. He couldn't hold in a groan and he cries out for someone to help him, pleading under his breath as he waited. 

The spotlights dimmed out and the clamouring dies as he lay on the glowing tiles unconscious, his heartbeat slowing down the more the room spun in his tired wake. 

Everything went dark

* * *

  
"For the last time, there were two dudes and one of them definitely did the killing"

"But you were lying near the booth when the incident happened, were you not?" An Asian journalist pestered further with her questions, Dean had lost count on how many times he had repeated his answer after he awoke in an ambulance. 

"Jesus, yes I was but that doesn't mean-"

"Alright people, move along. We don't need you to make our lives any more difficult" 

A well built woman with a brunette bun shields Dean and gently pushes the journalist and her crew away, her polished sheriff's badge bright even in the dead of night. They walk away defeated and she turns towards Dean, her hands on her hips with her recognizable, awkward smirk

"You didn't have to do that Jody, I can handle myself" Dean sniffles as he wraps the warm blanket around his shoulders tightly

"I know you can but when it comes to shoot outs I take charge" she sighs and settles down beside him in the small space the ambulance could give her "I haven't heard from you for a while you know, It's good to see you even if the circumstance is kinda weird"

"Heh, I'll say" Dean laughs and rubs his hands together "Did you get anything else from the crime scene? Anything that could link you to the perp?"

Jody raises an eyebrow with a toothy grin "Maybe you should've taken this job instead of me?" She slaps his back and he pouts at the stinging, it didn't bother him though "And whatever it is it doesn't concern you, classified information you see"

"Aah, gotcha"

They stay silent for a while, the red and blue lights swirled and circled every corner of the street with cops lining up for almost a block or two, nothing really wild happened in this town so to see something like this was kind of game changing, hopefully not for the worst. 

"Things like these keep happening in those big cities, with their drugs and mafias and what not. I guess our little town couldn't escape that fate either" Jody sighs sadly and looks at Dean, her small smile still intact "It's okay if you were scared Dean. No one will think any less of you"

"I wasn't scared. I was...confused"

"By the guy in the trench coat?"

"Yeah! I mean...you're gonna check him out right?"

"Dean, there are 1500 people in this town and more than half of them match your mystery man's description, it's just not that simple" 

"No but...he was different"

"Different?"

"Yeah...I dunno. Just...different. I had never seen someone like-" Dean catches himself before he continued. He demonstrates an awkward cough and shuffles back to his feet, returning the blanket to Jody "Just...be safe out there, okay? Something tells me you're gonna have a long night" 

Jody glares at him questioningly as she gets up as well but it had no ill intentions, just genuine curiosity "Alright, I guess I can give out snippets of the case. If there will even be one that's is" she rolls her eyes "You heading home?"

"Yeah, it's late. I gotta wake up for work" 

"Let me drive you home, you smell of...what is that, tequila? It's not safe for you to-"

"I'm fine Jody!" Dean snaps as he pulls out of her reach, she's stunned by his tone but still manages to control her expressions, no matter how hurt she felt at the sight of him "I-I didn't mean that. But I'm not drunk, not anymore...I don't need you to do me any favours" Dean waves at her and starts searching for his keys in his pockets as he walked away, his shoulders slouched and his eyes sullen in the dark that surrounded the impala.

"I spoke to Mary yesterday"

Dean freezes, his key only inches away from the lock

"She's worried about you and Sam. So - give her a call, will ya?" Jody calls out to him one last time before he stumbled into his car and drove off, the engine loud by the foot that pressed onto the acceleration aggressively. 

This needed to end

* * *

The drive home was swift and he managed to catch no traffic at this time. He glanced at his watch and saw that it's was almost 10 minutes to 3 am, he was already dreading the lack of sleep by the incessant thoughts running through his mind.

_Those blue eyes_

He parks the car in the garage and walks towards Sam's room, he didn't care that he was asleep he just wanted to talk to someone about the night he had. He wanted to do something with the strange images in his head and he didn't know what else to do but...talk to Sam. 

"Sam? Listen I need to talk to you about someth-"   
He chokes on his words and feels the strength in his legs fade

He was standing beside Sam's bed, in all his trench coated glory. He looks up towards Dean, his lips curving into a confused smile, his eyes a shade brighter even in the dark. 

"So I wasn't imagining it" he whispers and walks towards Dean slowly "You can see me, Dean Winchester" 

His green eyes widen as he steps back and pushes himself into the hallway "How the hell did you get in here?" He whispered back as he watched the stranger walk outside, he even had the decency to close Sam's door as he entered the hall, the curiosity in his eyes beckoning him closer to the older Winchester "And- and how do you know my name?" Dean didn't want to stutter but he couldn't feel anything below his abdomen as the man kept searching him with his eyes, as if he was being scanned for something 

"I know everyone's names. But I'm more curious as to what you have to say. How is it possible that you can see me?" His tone is stern and dominating as he takes one step closer, just a few inches away from Dean "Maybe you're different, I've never encountered a human who could see us but...it's not impossible" he turns away and starts acquainting himself with his surroundings, his hands feather like on the counter tops and the coffee table near the fireplace. 

Dean takes this chance to pull out his Swiss army knife, something he managed to steal from dad when he was eleven, who would've thought that something as fickle as this might come in handy one day? And tonight of all nights. He pulls it out and takes quick steps towards him, his knife ready and sharp at his target. 

The stranger waved his hand and the knife goes flying, jabbing into his wooden cabinet, it's whirring sound is loud in his ears.

**What. The. Actual. Hell.**

"I know it doesn't matter but that knife wouldn't have done anything to me" He turns and meets Dean's conflicted stare and quivering lips, he couldn't help but find the sight endearing 

"Who and what the hell are you?" Dean manages to find the courage and steps up to the man, his gaze rigid and much more like the person he used to be, before everything went to shit. 

"Forgive me for not addressing it sooner" he rubs his hands and looks up, his lips flat lining in a cryptic way

"My name is Castiel, and I'm an angel of the lord" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I hope you guys like it so far, it's kinda hard writing relatively shorter chapters compared to my old fanfic but it actually helps with the flow a lot more, let me know what you think of it! 
> 
> Next Chapter's highlights:  
> CONFRONTATION and MYSTERY, oOoOoOh  
> Slight instances of angst and awkward destiel which I think is really wholesome and adds a lot of depth to the characters. Also repercussions from the incident that took place in this chapter and a revelation from Castiel  
> Hope you like it!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Previously: 
> 
> Dean goes out to a club and shit hits the fan, the man he was enamored with manages to confront him back home, his appearance within the Winchester household a mystery in itself
> 
> It is there when he reveals himself as the angel Castiel.

Dean stands, his arms still even with the strange vibrations coarsing through his body with the other man's eyes fixed on him, his stares radiate the same, cosmic energy from before.

"I'm asking you again. What and who the hell are you..." Dean steps forward even with his better judgement screaming in his head. Castiel stepped back when he did that and Dean couldn't help but feel agitated by his demeanor

"It's better if we speak from this distance" Castiel speaks under his breath even with his rigid blue stares, as if he were being swallowed whole. 

"Or what?" Dean rubs his temples and blinks again, hoping that he might disappear on him again. 

_I don't really want that though, do I?_

"Dean?" Castiel breaks the eerie silence, his voice almost a moan by the way he said his name "It is unconventional and interactions like this aren't supposed to happen in my line of work. But I suppose..." Castiel walks behind the couch and grazes his hand upon its texture "You have a beautiful home"

"You mind telling me what the-" 

"I'm an angel, I thought I had mentioned that already" 

"Stop saying that! This night!-" Dean walks around in circles as he tries to breathe "First you appear at the club, now you're here standing over my brother like a creep and yo-you even know my name?! And you're saying you're a frickin angel?!" He walks towards him unconsciously, his mouth agape and eyes bewildered by the trench coated figure "Things like that don't exist! There is no hell and there are no-"

"That exists too"

"Wh-what?"

"Hell. Heaven. All of it exists, Dean" Castiel sighs and envelopes him in his tender gaze "Everything you humans managed to concoct and worship, all of it exists - in one way or another. I thought...I thought you'd be more-"

He pauses at Dean's wavering glance and sees the uncertainty and conviction seep out. If it were someone else he would've succeeded at hiding it all. But Castiel knew, the humanity he had heard so much about, so fickle to the touch if he were given that pleasure. 

"I see that you're not convinced, not even by my actions from before?"

Dean swallows, denying an answer completely

"Very well, maybe this may change your mind" Castiel closes his eyes and lowers his gaze, while he occupied himself Dean made his way towards the kitchen drawers and pulls out a rolling pin, the flour sticking to his fingers as he tightened his grip. 

_Deal with the weird dude now, scold Sammy over incomplete chores later_

He takes a step forward but feels the ground pull him down by force, it overwhelms him - just that sensation of falling, as if he were sitting in a plane crashing down. He sees Castiel's eyes, they multiply in front of him even as he tried to avoid his gaze somehow. Every corner he turned to those glorious blue disks penetrated his calloused skin, it's unbearable but so serene. He sees the faint colours of the sky as dusk begins to fade but instead of the sun he sees... **mars**. How the hell could he see mars? The bulbous red planet was just within his grasp but then the image changes again. Dean sees a violet sky flooded by falling stars, the residue in complete chaos as they fell closer to a barren earth. 

Wait, those weren't stars

**Angels?**

Dean gasps and clutches onto his chest from the crater that was finally lifted, his vision was blurry but he could see that he was back on his familiar and safe kitchen floor, he could almost vomit by the sensation alone "What the- what the he-hell did you do to me?" He gags but nothing comes out. He pulls himself up with the support of a bar stool and looks at the man who flooded his mind with discontorted images, images that?-

His eyes widen as a glow erupts at the center of the room. Castiel stands upright, his blue eyes bright by the ringing that ensued. Dean covered his ears from the pain but he didn't dare look away. Two massive wings unfurl from his trench coat, much blacker than the coat he wore and much more illustrious than his human attire. They stretched wide and curled at the end, each individual feather was as large as a human hand and the way they reached out...Dean felt like they were going to pull him in as the blood in his body vaporised. 

He furls his wings and blinks away his radiance, as if whatever happened was daily occurrence. 

"So, does that answer your question?" Castiel watches him carefully, his concern for his human companion apparent in his tone. Dean stares at him continuously, his words failed him and all he could do was stare in awe at what just happened. He wasn't afraid nor could he understand what was stirring through his head. 

_He felt_

_He felt?_

Dean falls and hits his head on the relatively softer part of the floor and lays there unconscious, his body sprawled out like a starfish. Castiel extends his hand but pulls back instantly. He mutters something in enochian and starts walking away from him, he would deal with their matters some other time, preferably when he wasn't like this. He hears Dean snore in the uninhabited air and he covers his mouth to stifle a laugh. 

_Why did I laugh?_

His smile wanes as he pulls his hands away and fades into nothingness, leaving the victim layered in plaid on the floor. 

**Why did I laugh?**

The familiar stillness within the walls return but...something dwells in the cracks of their tainted life. 

**_Something supernatural stirs._ **

* * *

  
"Castiel!" 

Dean jolts and bangs his head against the counter "Damn it!" He curls his toes by the pain and clutches onto his forehead, trying to hiss away the stinging somehow 

"You're up early" Sam's voice hovers above him as he fills his mouth with cereal, he has a smug smile and Dean wanted to snack the attitude out of him. He pulls himself up and exhales from the exasperation "What time is it?" 

"9 am" he shoves another spoonful and crunches away loudly

"Shit. I g-gotta call Bobby..." Dean stumbles towards the couch but gives in to the pain in his head, he falls again but this time his impact was a little less rough than before "Dean?!" Sam rushes towards him and holds his head in his hands "Hey! Are you okay?"

"Urghh" he groans and pulls away from his brother's touch. Dean settles himself on the couch and runs his hands through his hair "I'm fine, I just had a rough night that's all" he pats Sam's cheeks and sighs, hoping that he'd stop hovering near him. 

"I'll make your hangover cure so don't push yourself" Sam walks away and starts fiddling with the contents in the cupboard and the fridge

"Coffee, just give me coffee"

"Did you eat anything last night? I noticed there weren't any dishes"

"Shit, uh- I guess I forgot"

"Wow, I guess whatever happened was pretty weird huh?" 

"Sam. Coffee. Now"

Sam chuckles and pours in his massive cup. He brings it to Dean and he could sense his impatient side bubble near the surface, he always acted like a child when it came to his treats and food - his face would always scrunch up, all red in the cheeks and eyes squinting at the sight - Sam always had to remind himself that he was the younger sibling. 

The thought made him smile

"So, uh...who's Castiel?" Sam wanders around the question, his shrug insisting that his curiosity was merely innocuous

"What?" Dean's eyes widened as he looked at Sam  
"Err...Castiel, you kinda woke up saying that name, on that floor" Sam pointed towards the spot for emphasis

Dean sips and feels the warm drink calm his senses, he was confused by the question and Sam was unsure whether he heard him correctly or not "I dunno what you're talking about Sam, you sure you didn't hit your head?"

"Dude, I literally just heard you"

"Huh, maybe it was a dream I had. I can't...remember anything, my head is scrambled right now. Can't tell what's left or right anymore" he licks his lips and takes his sips slowly, his senses returning with every swallow "I mean - Sam I had the weirdest night, I mean- I think something happened and I wanted to tell you about it but..."

_But what?_

"Okay, I'd like to hear about it but can it wait for a bit?" Sam places his bowl in the sink and dusts his hands off "I kinda have to meet up with a friend"   
"B-but wait, I wanted to ask you about-"

"The session was okay. The doctor was kinda random but he seems alright, I'll talk about it when I come back, okay? I'm late already" 

"You can hold back for a while, can't ya? I'm late for work too" Dean gets up and walks towards his little brother with empty cup in hand

"I- I can't Dean. I'll come back home soon, bye" Sam closes the door behind him and Dean is alone again. 

_Why are you avoiding me Sam?_

Dean sighs and places the cup in the sink, feeling like a waste of space as he does. He pouts and walks towards his bathroom to freshen up and pulls out a new pair of jeans and a grey t shirt from his dresser, he could sense the heat outside and wanted to feel prepared for the day. He opens the hot water and waits for the steam to build up and scrolled through the notifications in his phone as he waited. 

There was a message from Bobby

  
_You didn't pick up so I'm texting instead. Jody told me what happened last night so take the next few days off, I'll take over for you so just focus on getting back on your feet, okay? I'll see you soon_

**What the hell did she tell him?**

Dean pulls his layers and jeans off and sits in his boxer briefs, the steam tickles his legs as he scrolls through the other notifications flashing away on the screen, what was he forgetting?

_I CAUGHT YOU ON THE NEWS, THEY BLURRED YOUR FACE BUT THIS IS YOU, RIGHT?! CALL ME ASAP_

_Bobby told me about last night! I hope you're doing okay boss_

_You didn't pick up my calls so I'm letting you know I checked by your house last night to see if you made it alright. Don't be fazed by the news, small towns like this feed off of stuff like that so it's best if you take it slow_

_Hey Dean-o, I hope you're doing okay! I came to work today if you were wonderin' about me. Hope to see you back on your feet again! I can't get anything done without your scolding_

_Dean. I heard about the shooting. Please call me back_

Charlie, Garth, Jody, Meg, even mom? Everyone had heard about the damn incident, how could he forget about something like that? Jesus 

**So he didn't dream any of it**

He throws the phone on his bed and strips down for his shower, wanting nothing more than to wash away the restlessness. He hugs himself and tries to calm the shivering as the hot water trickled down his soggy hair, his lips quiver from the unshakable feeling - why does it feel so quiet all around? **What was happening?**

_Castiel_

_He was real too. All of it was._

Dean shuts it off and drags himself towards the sink and pukes out the coffee from before and feels a lightness in his body, the anemic kind. He winces at the disgusting sight and drains it with water. He commenced his ritual cleaning even with his jittery hands, making sure he removed every trace of last night drink as he brushed, flossed and even garggled with mouthwash. He shakes away the wetness like a dog and reaches out for his towel but the warmth of it reaches his hands a lot more faster than expected. 

_Wait a minute_

Dean holds his breath and turns around as his towel fell over his stomach and tangled around his legs. He stood there paralyzed by the same, striking blue gaze that bore into his current naked form 

_Please tell me this is a dream_

"Hello Dean, I uh - I hope I didn't catch you at a bad time" Castiel's eyes dart to every angle on Dean's face, trying his best to evade everything that hung - I mean, lay below his torso. He gulps uncomfortably and goes out the door and into his bedroom, being in complete control while Dean stood there motionless and unable to stop himself from blushing, **why couldn't he scream?**

"I'll wait here then" he calls out to him and he feels the rush and twitches in his body fade away. The embarrassed Winchester changes into his clothes and slaps his hand on the door, meeting the startled eyes of the trench coated stranger sitting at the edge of his bed. 

"What the hell?! Do you not have any sense of personal space?" Dean screams at his unfazed demeanor

"I needed to discuss matters with you but I...apologize for the intrusion on my part. I didn't intend on catching you in that moment" Castiel tilts his head and starts reading his gestures, the discomfort on Dean's face was blatantly apparent but it didn't stop him from doing that

"You didn't...see anything, right?" Dean scratches the back of his head and steps towards the grey wingback chair that nestled in the corner of his room

"Do you mean your genitals?"

"Y-y- Damn it" he buries his burning face in his hands and starts to count backwards to regain his composure

"You don't need to be ashamed of it, it's more than the average human-"

"You know what?!" Dean pushes himself from his "I need you to leave" 

"But I need to discuss-"

"No! Th-theres nothing to discuss! This is getting too weird and I- I need it all to stop!" Dean tries to grab him by his hand but he disappears into thin air.

"I advise you not to touch me again, I do not like repeating myself" Dean turns to find his voice echo through the doorway. 

**Did he just teleport?**

"Listen, buddy. I don't know why you're here and what you need me for because I'm not interested in any of it. I just want you to leave"

"Dean, I'm not asking you for anything"

"Excuse me?"

"I'm giving you an order"

Dean raises an eyebrow and scoffs at his threat "Okay, listen feathers. I don't know who you think you are but I'm not anyone's bitch, you understand?"

"I never asked you to be one, I'm offering you an opportunity"

"Seriously? What the hell for?"

"For an investigation"

He slaps his cheeks and blinks aggressively, even he didn't know what he was doing but no amount of absurdity was able to make the angel flinch or disappear

"Let me explain. I was assigned to this town for a certain task but an unusual spike has surged within this world and the spectral one" 

"So, wait a minute, are you-?"

"The number of people passing on in this town have dwindled, to humans that may not seem distressing but the count seemed...off. Numerous souls have gone missing and many that were to be guided towards - as I mentioned before, heaven and hell - are now...missing" 

"Wait hold up just-"

"Now it's unlikely that souls disappear into thin air, even if they aren't guided their spirits linger in their place of passing.These occurrences were rampant 10 years ago in South East Asia but none of the other angels could pinpoint the source even then"

"Will you listen to me?"

"I understand that it may be overwhelming and I intended on doing this on my own but you being able to see me has opened up opportunities that may prove to be beneficial for both of us. That is why I pursued you all this time so that we could find the source together-"

"CAS!" 

He finally flinches and looks at him, slightly dazed by the obstruction

"Where...do I fit in all of this?"

"What?" He blinks, Dean thinks it's the first time he's seen him do that this whole conversation

"Wouldn't it be easier to just - find another angel and team up with them?" 

"I don't understand, why would I need another angel for something only you can do?" 

"I mean...Last time I checked I didn't have wings or any sort of magic to help with...whatever the hell this is" Dean crosses his arms and steps in closer, his head low as he pulls Castiel's eyes into his "I'm...I'm just a guy who fixes and manages a car repair shop, I like long walks on the beach and...I'm just normal, basically"

"What makes you think that?"

"I- I literally just told you"

"Not everyone has the ability to see angels, Dean"

Dean holds back as he sits at the edge of his bed and laces his fingers together "I just...I don't need this right now. I have a lot to deal with, with work and with Sam and now the shit that went down last night. I don't think I'll be of any use to you. I'm just...I'm just-"

"I understand" 

"W-what?" Dean couldn't hide the hurt in his voice after he replied in his monotone voice

"If you refuse to help then there isn't anything I can say to change that. I suppose I'll just have to look for other alternatives" 

"Other...safe alternatives, right?" Dean gets up and waved his hand as he spoke "You're not gonna hurt some poor son of a bitch, right?"

"I suppose, for now" Castiel turns away with the intention to leave, but something inside Dean made him stop. 

"Is it...really serious?" 

Castiel smiles at his gentility, it left a sweet aftertaste in his mouth "Perhaps" he teases, even the angel couldn't control his benign tongue "It can give a lot of lives safe passage towards their afterlife, freeing them from this realm"

Dean smacks his lips and sighs heavily - Why did he have to say it like _that_?

"Alright"

Castiel turns, his eyes lurk within his green pools and searches for any sign of deception from the man, but all he could see was his veracity. 

And beauty. So much of it 

"But...I'm not gonna get mauled or anything right?"  
Castiel chuckles at the juvenile joke and Dean smiles at the sound, he never knew angels could do that

"No, I'll watch over you" 

Dean doesn't force a smile, this time it comes naturally, no bonds or chains pull him back and nothing tugs at the seams.

_He feels..._

"Let's start with the first task, close your eyes Dean"

"Wait, what?"

The air swallows them both and a wisp of wind lies in their wake, leaving only a phone and an unopen message flashing away. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I really want to go deep with the characters in this fic and I'm somewhat pleased with the pacing for now, I just hope all of you are finding it enjoyable! 
> 
> Next time:   
> Dean and Cas' first mission! A special appearance by Jody and quite a lot of angst and build up, something I intend on doing hehe. Bear with me my children! 
> 
> P.S I'm struggling with the damn title so much I am most probably gonna change it when I come up with a better one.   
> So stay tuned!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Previously:   
> Castiel's confrontation with Dean, angsty Sam who's avoiding his older brother and aaannnddd Dean is convinced to go on a mission regarding missing souls with a devastatingly handsome angel who manages to keep his guard down. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy the chapter!

Dean Winchester gasps by the air and the plethora of sounds that devour him and surprisingly finds himself sitting on a bench in town's square. He recognizes the dull red and yellow stepping stones that led towards an assortment of shops, everything from food to real estate existed here. They used to come here when they were kids to see the annual tree lighting ceremony on Christmas, it baffled him how long it had been since those days. 

"Dean?"

Castiel sits beside him at a reasonable, non reachable distance and bends forward to pull him back

"Did you do that?"

"Yes" he chuckles at his innocent response "I can do many things. This is one ability that I enjoy the most"

"Ugh, I think I'm gonna be sick" 

"It'll pass" he smiles and watches people of all shapes and colours pass by, reveling in the fact that they remain clueless of their escapades. 

"So uhh, can any of these people see you?" Dean placed his elbows on his knees and turned his head towards Castiel, hoping that he was able to hide his shaken self in all of his concocted, pretentious vigor. 

"None that I can sense. So it's only you"

"Yay, lucky me" 

Castiel rolled his eyes at the sarcasm and Dean couldn't help but grin at his irritated face, he almost forgot he was an angel, and a powerful one at that. 

"You need to infiltrate the police station that lies a few blocks to your right. What you need to find is this symbol" Castiel extends his hand and a circular symbol carves itself into the palm of his hand, red and fleshy in all its glory. Dean gets startled and stifles a shout at the sight, a few people turn towards him and he deflects their curiosity with a typical, 'hey how's it going?' nod and smiles.

"Damn it Cas! Warn me before you try one of your new tricks" Dean whispers angrily and hides his face in his hands

"My apologies. But you must listen, this is important" Castiel's voice is pleasing to his ears and he calms down, providing his undivided attention to the angel and his mission "This symbol is a ward that subdues my angelic abilities and because of it I can't enter the place it's created in " 

"What can I do?"

"I need you to find this ward and destroy it" 

Dean pouts, confused by his choice of words "So like...how?"

"What do you mean 'how' just destroy it" 

"So I just...scratch it off?" 

"Yes, that would be enough"

Dean turns and looks in the opposite direction, he contemplated over something Castiel found difficult to access "One question, how the hell am I going to find it in there? The place has cameras and not to mention 5 frickin floors"

"I sense the ward on the first floor somewhere, It's massive and it has a wide reach throughout the building but that's all I can give you" 

"Hmm. Alright. Not difficult at all" 

"I know it's a lot to ask and we've only just met...but I can only help if the ward's removed" 

Dean looks at him again and feels Castiel's warmth flood through him, the kind that left you restless but at ease "I can try, that's all I can promise you"

Castiel smiles weakly but wholeheartedly "That's more than enough" 

Dean extended his hand to pat Castiel's leg but holds back at the reminder, instead he winked and trekked along the sidewalk and towards his destination, keeping his cool and stance as professional as possible. Castiel watched him fade within the crowd and finds himself at a loss by the growing distance, it was...unusual, as if he were missing something vital inside of him. 

He shuts himself off, not now he whispers and disappears in the light of day, no name or feather left to his name

* * *

  
_Come on Dean, it ain't that hard_

He stares at the station in front of him and feels the anxiety swimming in his stomach, the metaphorical noose tightening around his neck the longer he kept delaying his steps. 

"Yeah, I'm screwed" he bites his lip and pushes through the glass doors and walks towards the reception desk awkwardly. An old woman with kind eyes smiles at him and asks him whether he was in to file a report 

"No, no I uh- I'm here to see the sheriff, Jody Mills? Is she around?" 

"I'm not sure if she's available, but you need to state your name and purpose for the visit" 

"Err, tell her it's Dean and the purpose is...leisure?"

He was able to hide his uncertainty with his sly smile and effortless charm, the woman wasn't amused but she dialled for the call. What felt like hours but was just an agonizing minute passed and Jody finally received it, the old lady provided his statement and ended the call with a click and a slight grimace "She'll see you, her office is on the first floor. The large double doors at the end of the hall, you can't miss it" 

"Thanks" Dean rubs his hands and makes his way towards the staircase

_Perfect, now all I need to do is find the damn symbol_

He reaches the maroon carpeted floors and let's his gaze wander around the endless doors in his sight. Luckily the floor wasn't as complex as he had anticipated, all he had to do was go through every.single.one 

**How do I get myself into these things?**

Dean's first instinct is to go around the corner, anywhere that was farthest from Jody's office and he trusts his approach, no matter how flawed it was. He lurks near a supply closet and peeks inside, nothing but worn out mops and buckets lay within the cubicle. He then diverted his attention towards the meeting room and entered, thankfully it was empty but he knew it wouldn't be for long. He pushes every available office chair and scans every surface of furniture that was available, he even pulled at the massive whiteboard and searched the wall behind it, it wasn't there. He had a hunch that this was a wasted effort. 

"You're not supposed to be in here" a voice calls out to him and he loses his cool and footing in the process. Dean turns abruptly and forces a chuckle and slapped his knee "Hey! So uhh- I'm Jeff from maintenance and I was told that the air conditioner wasn't working correctly" 

"The air conditioner is fine" she speaks in a suspicious, 'I'm onto you' tone

_Shit. I think this is it, my sleuthing days are over before they even began_

"But..."

_The magic word_

"There is a water dispenser just down the hall and a coffee machine in mess hall downstairs so you can go deal with those, it's about time Donna called you guys, I was pestering her for months already" she laughs and opens the door for Dean, which he happily took and escapes the clutches of discovery once more.

_How the hell did I get out of that?_

"Dean!" 

He turns and finds a mildly annoyed sheriff glaring at him with her hands on her hips "Where the hell were you? Did Gladys not tell you I wanted to see you?"

"Err, yeah but she didn't really tell me which door to go through"

"Tsk, that woman needs to focus more on her job or she's done for" she pulls him in for a hug and tells him to follow her towards her office. He notices another door to his left but this one had a key card scanner on it and the metal plate above the door that read **Evidence Lock up**

 _Sorry Gladys_ , Dean mumbles under his breath as she opened the door and let him enter first. The room felt bigger by the wide window frames that arched behind an auburn office chair and a mahogany desk. The walls were filled with many newspaper clippings, certificates and honourable medals and symbols recieved in her line of work. It even had a small bathroom attached to it and Dean nodded approvingly, _impressive_

"You like it? I got it refurbished recently and now it looks neat" she giggles and pushes him into one of the two chairs that faced her desk "I wasn't expecting you to come over here and meet me so soon, is everything okay? Is Sam alright?"

"Ye-yeah everything is fine. It's relatively less awkward right now so that's considered a win in the Winchester household" 

"My God, I've known you boys for years and even now you guys deal with your problems the same way" she rubs her hands and sits in her chair, encapsulating him with her warm smile 

Dean senses the awkward silence arising from their slow breathing so he tried to beat over the bush as less apprehensively as possible 

"So...refurbished huh? Did the whole building get a makeover? Like new paint jobs and stuff?" 

Jody raises an eyebrow at the odd question but she doesn't derive any suspicions from it "Actually, yes! Everything was painted and new furniture came from this year's budget, we ended up saving a lot of money this time due to the lack of crimes and damages. Everything you saw today is fresh and really adds to the morale here. Well, everything except the evidence lock up" 

Dean grew intrigued, _could the ward be in there?_

"Ooh, that reminds me!" Jody squeals and unlocks a drawer in her desk, she pulls out a card and hands it to Dean with glee "Check me out, I'm digital!"

It didn't take him long to realize that he was holding onto a key card of some sort, it had Jody's name and picture printed on it along with some numbers and a thin strip of blue. 

"What! You guys are going digital too? I didn't know you were that loaded" Dean feigns his excitement and it seemed to work

"Like I said, more budget this year" she snickers and taps her fingertips on one another in a comedic, evil way "That baby can access any room in this building, being the big cheese around here and all" she winks and laughs in a goofy way. 

"Heh, that's really good to hear"

Jody looks at him, her hesitation apparent in her tone of voice "Listen, Dean..."

The phone on her desk starts ringing and she sighs at the interruption. She doesn't delay picking it up and answers in a stern tone. Dean clutches onto the key card and slides it into his pocket, hoping to anything or anyone out there that Jody forgets about it. 

_I wonder if Castiel can hear me?_

"I understand Donna, I'm on my way so keep everyone in check...yes, I won't waste a minute sooner so stay right there. I'm bringing in backup so just try to handle the situation till I reach. Bye" Jody shuffled to her feet with a daunting perplexity swimming in her eyes

"Is everything okay?" Dean asks, his tone genuine at her demeanor

"Yeah- no, actually. Donna found a few bodies in one of the apartments on the other side of town. It seems like a homicide but...her findings say it was staged and the person behind it may still be in the building, we're so short staffed already..." She talks to herself and then remembers that Dean was still there "Hopefully I'll be back in a couple hours, you can go home if you wan-"

"No, I'll wait here. After what you've told me I'll be the first one to hug you after you arrest that asshole"

Jody manages to smile through the strain and she says her goodbye. Dean pestered her and she promised that she'll come back unscathed, Jody never lied about her promises so he felt relieved by the thought. 

He looks at the card in his hand and can't help but feel like scum. 

"Guess there's no reason to delay it" 

Dean waits for the bustling sounds of footsteps fade behind the door, when the coast was clear he poked his head out and reached the scanner quickly. His hands were jittery but he managed to swipe it correctly and an affirming 'ding' unlocks the door. He made his way inside and found himself enveloped in darkness. His hands trace the walls on both sides and manages to find the switchboard.

Metal shelves were stacked in rows with an endless number of labeled boxes, suitcases and ziplocks. Some pieces of evidence were inside glass safes and Dean breathed cautiously at the sight

**This is so frickin awesome**

"Okay, where the hell are you ward?"

He begins investigating up and around the shelves, even managing to take a peek inside a few labeled boxes to feed his curiousity, carefully though. A few fiddles and pokes later he finds himself lost once more, he couldn't find anything! 

"Damn it!" He slams his first into the metal wall behind him and he squeals from the pain, rubbing the nerves to lessen the throbbing somehow. The wall had a dent and was only seconds away from peeling off completely, behind it there was a dry, ancient looking wall, just begging to be discovered. 

Could it-?

Dean swallows hard and starts peeling off the ridiculously fragile pieces and stackrd them on the floor. The tower of sheets reached his thighs until he finally caught sight of it, red and cryptic, just like Castiel showed him. The symbol occupied a large space on the wall and Dean had only uncovered half of it, how the hell was this intact for so long? 

"Okay, okay. Scratch this son of a bitch and then we're good" 

Dean stands there empty handed and realizes he doesn't have anything to scratch it with, and no way was he using his own nails. He applied pressure to one of the sheets and managed to break a piece, cutting himself in the process. He starts to scratch at one end of the symbol, as if he were using a nail filer to escape a jail cell. This really did feel like a TV show, didn't it? 

It wasn't though, ironically enough

He manages to scratch away a large piece of the chipped, painted wall and feels relief spread all over him. 

But, what was he supposed to do after he removed the ward?

"Dean"

The older Winchester flinched at the sound and feels the same jittering in his bones all over again "Damn it, I don't think I'll ever get used to that" 

Castiel emerges from a gap between the shelves and tilts his head knowingly, his eyes beaming with pride "I see you were successful, thank you"

"Y-yeah yeah can we just focus on getting out of here? Maybe even deal with this mess that you made me-"

"It will be arranged once I've dealt with matters here. Don't move" 

"Cas? Wait what ar- and he's gone. Great" Dean smacks his head and shakes his leg uneasily

"As I suspected, the files are missing. It's as if someone is tampering with their very existence, but who could hide a whole person's life like that?" Cas reappears behind Dean and he twirls around to meet his perplexed blue stare. 

"Wh-where the hell did you go?! And what are you going on about?"

"The people, the souls I mentioned to you before. They've gone **missing** , there's nothing in the file room and there's no evidence that their bodies were ever found"

"Okay..."

"It doesn't add up, a soul just doesn't **disappear** like that, it always leaves something in it's wake but never disappears"

Dean diverts his gaze towards the door and anticipates being caught, something he didn't want on his plate right now "Cas? Listen we really gotta deal with this, someone's gonna know I broke in and-"

"I will handle things from here, you don't need to be afraid"

"How can't I? People saw me here they're gonna know I was snooping around!" 

"Dean. Just trust me" Castiel's acute tone pulls him in and he feels lightheaded, how was he able to do that? 

"O...Okay" Dean nods knowingly and closes his eyes, waiting for Castiel to perform another jump. 

"Just breathe" 

* * *

  
And within those last few seconds of panic in that James bond-esque scenario , he was back inside his living room with every limb and organ intact. 

But he was alone

"Cas?" Dean raised his voice only to find no one talking back, he couldn't help but feel hurt by the silence that lingered. 

He hears the beating of wings this time and finds the one he was looking for pacing behind his kitchen counters, his trench coat neatly ruffled around his toned body

"I've dealt with the ruined wall and placed the key card back in the sheriff's office..."

Dean patted his pocket and indeed found nothing there, were angels good pickpockets too? 

"...All footage of you, as you called it, 'snooping around' has been erased. So there is nothing to worry about"

"So...clean slate?" Dean shows a massive smile, something about the way his feathered companion spoke always managed to bring that out of him. 

"Yes, clean slate" he hums affectionately and places himself on the bar stool, his shoes latching onto the metallic support as he balanced himself awkwardly. It brings out a laugh from Dean and Castiel turns away to hide the crimson streak in his cheeks

_Was this normal?_

"How the hell did we get away with that? And you? You were like...speeding through all that shit like it was nothing! How did you?..." Dean lingered with his question and Castiel wanted nothing more than to answer it

"It's another one of our abilities as angels, we can access and survey through information within mere seconds. It helps us in innumerable ways especially when situations like this arise" his face becomes dark and Dean catches onto it instantly

"So it's not good, is it? Missing souls and bodies, what does that mean in your angelic line of work?" 

"Nothing much but...quite a lot as well. Something strange is happening in this town and I intend on finding out" 

"So uh, do you...?" Dean licks his lips and sighs, the indecisiveness seething through his breaths "...Do you still need my help? I have some free time this week since I'm kinda unemployed now" 

Castiel tries reading the muddled thoughts swimming in his eyes but he couldn't see anything, only the walls that kept those latent emotions at bay. 

_Why can't I read him?_

"You know what? It doesn't matter, all I wanna do now is rest up" he waves his hands and makes his way towards the fridge. He pulls out two beers and hands one to Cas, the angel narrowed his eyes but accepted the offer, their fingers upon the cold glass closer than they've ever been. 

The thought made both of them stir

"There is..." Cas rubs his thumb "...the mission isn't over yet but until then, I think it would be preferable if we continued working together" 

Dean swallows and huffs willingly, the glimmer in his eyes returning "This is all so...weird. I had a relatively normal life until you showed up, just abandonment issues and a clinically depressed little brother, and it's just..." He gets closer to the blue eyed enigma, never realising how much he missed this form of intimacy until this very moment "...I just- I haven't felt like that in a **long** time, Cas. And I shouldn't feel happy over something so reckless and shitty like that bu-but I do. Am I crazy for thinking that way?" He stood beside him, trying to fight the urge to lessen the distance between them. 

_Not even a little bit?_

"I don't even know you. I don't even know if you're...I can't help but think of the possibility that you're..." He pulls him in with his green pools and Castiel stifled a gasp as he looked away, almost as if he was ashamed. 

"There's no need for you to read into this Dean"

Castiel stands and chugs the whole bottle of beer in a single breath and places it on the counter gently "I think I feel something" he sighs with his pink cheeks and glassy stare, but that's all he gave him - unwavering, inhuman stares "I'll take my leave, if I'll require your service I will contact you"

"Wait a minute. I have so many questions to ask you-"

"You don't need to know everything"

"And you do? How is it fair that you use me and put my life on the line for something you and your angel buddies let slide under the radar?" Dean storms and stands before him, his bitterness resurfacing at Castiel's sudden hostility "I-I deserve to know, don't I Cas? Or am I just another meat suit for you guys to toy with?" 

There is a vague animosity that stirred in the silence between them, seconds pass where they just stared at one another, cosmic blues into tattered greens and nothing else. They feel their energies cascade into one another and find themselves lost, their caged selves slowly disintegrating into clear dust. Dean faltered and his eyes softened at Castiel's riled up expressions, he never knew he was capable of something like that, something so human. 

"With time, you will know" 

He faded away and Dean is left empty handed once again, he always left when things got too intense. 

_I guess he's like me in that regard_

"Heh, typical" Dean pouts after he takes another sip, his annoyance resurfacing by the angel's last words. He turns towards his room with the intention of sleeping the remnants of the day away, the teleportation left him numb all over. 

**It was still kinda cool though**

* * *

  
A familiar black trench coated angel leans on a massive oak tree in a park in Missouri, the branches claw out towards the pale, amethyst sky and Castiel couldn't help but sigh at the view. 

_Why does it feel this way? As if his grace feels like something more?_

Wings flutter on the other side of the tree and Castiel turns his head slightly, his cheek brushing against the bark gently. His grace galvanized by the familiar entity near him and he speaks in his calm, alluring way

"Hannah" 

"It's good to see you Castiel. Have you made any progress regarding the souls?" She placed herself on the other side as she sat on the ground, pretending to enjoy the shadows created by the tree

"Yes. It's unsettling Hannah, my instinct is telling me that these souls were taken from their bodies, maybe even willingly"

"Instinct? You're sounding more and more like them, it's kind of hard to take you seriously when you speak like that" she scoffs and fixes the neat fringe over her forehead

Castiel closes his eyes and swallows, he was glad she couldn't see the change in his expressions 

_Stop doing that_

"My apologies, but there's no doubt that something ominous lurks in this town, something that's taking these souls away"

"Do you think it could be a creature? Something let loose from hell again?" Hannah focuses on his words and speaks in her unwavered, automated tone

"No, it's not a creature. They're a sentient being and they know we're coming after them, but they've just managed to slip away unnoticed" 

"Do you know what could be missing? Uriel is well versed in these matters and even he couldn't find this being. What makes you so sure?" Her tone is condescending and relentless but Castiel chooses to brush it off 

"I don't. That's why I intend on investigating further. Once I find something new I'll report back to Heaven immediately"

"Castiel?"

"Yes?"

"The angels have been...talking"

Castiel clenches his fists but his face remains the same

"Is it true that you're working with a human?" 

He swallows hard as he answers "Yes. They could see me and I took it as an opportunity to utilize them"

"Castiel, you know why they see you, right?"

"...Yes. I'm aware, Hannah"a

"Are they aware of **why** they can see you?" 

"No"

She stayed silent at his answer, even the subtle hesitation in his tone didn't go through that soldier's head of hers

"Do they know of you, the complete version of you, as an angel?" 

_Stop it_

"No, Hannah!" Castiel loses his temper and she flinched by the strange flux in his grace, but she doesn't question it "They...don't know anything" he muttered and diverted his gaze towards the branches that towered above his halo

Hannah shuffled to her feet and started walking away, he hears her wings unfurl but Castiel doesn't even turn as she spoke to him, somehow he just couldn't "They haven't...touched you, have they?" 

"...No" 

She stifles a sigh "You of all people know of the risks, Castiel - you know what happens to angels who stray too far even if it is to settle heaven's matters" she crosses her arms and watches a plane pass by overhead "If they discover what you're doing behind their backs-"

"I'm aware of the risks, Hannah"

She shuts her eyes and blinks away the surge between her and her superior's grace, something unnerving stirred within him but it was not her place to question it "I am aware. All I can offer you are a few words of...comfort, and to hope that what you are doing will not end in anarchy, in heaven and every spectral realm that exists beyond that" 

She vanishes and Castiel is left speechless. He knew of the machinations of this world and what cogs to turn, so why did this uncertainty still linger?

He heaves a sigh and pushed himself away from the tree and allowed the dark sky to swallow him and his bleak attire, hoping that the heaviness surrounding his head would dissipate with him too. 

_He couldn't tell him_

_Not yet_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! I hope you're liking it thus far, I intend on diving more into the angel stuff and make stuff along the way while I utilize actual stated facts and research and incorporate it somehow. I hope it's not too tedious or boring 
> 
> Next Chapter:   
> Sam and a certain red headed queen enters! While catching up they encounter something strange, at least one of them does and the brother's graze over their conflict.   
> Castiel goes further in his investigation and utilizes one of his contacts to find out more, someone with a more demonic flare 
> 
> Stay tuned! Thank you for taking the time to bother reading this lol! Your support is much appreciated!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Previously: 
> 
> Cas and Dean's first step in the case! The mystery gets more...mysterious and there's rising tension between the two.  
> Castiel discusses his findings with a familiar angel but something odd lurks beneath the surface, something he's too afraid of admitting.

It's a lone Wednesday morning in the town library, the walls hum away a distant tune and manages to intensify the languish that seeped through the pages rotting away upon their designated shelves.

The sun bathes the carpeted structure and breathes life into it again, regardless of how much it lacked that very factor. 

But not everyone thought that way

"Sam?" She whispers and treads towards him, her red hair flaring up with every step

"Charlie!" He hisses and waves at her sandwiched between two shelves

"Why the **hell** weren't you and Dean picking up the phone! I needed to ask if you two were okay" she punches him in the arm and he stifles an 'ouch!' 

"I just-" he rubs his arm with vigor "I've been keeping my phone away -and what are you even talking about?"

Charlie smacks her head and huffs "Dude this is **literally** why technology exists! You of all people know that" she walks in deeper and stands beside him "There was a shooting in a club last night, The Pearly Gates?" 

"And?" He felt surprised at his lack of empathy and even Charlie found his reaction odd, but she still continued

"Aaaaanndd, your brother was there last night, he managed to make it to the news and I recognized his usual, gruff voice even with the useless blur and sound disorientation! And I have been calling.you.both.ever.since" she elbowed him at the last few words and he stopped breathing completely 

_So that's what he wanted to talk about today_

"Now can you please tell me how he's doing?" She pouts and pulls out a random book and flips through it

"I mean he seemed fine, he was hungover and he had this weird dream, other than that he's his usual self"

She takes a sigh of relief "You have no idea how much I needed to hear that, just...don't freak me out like that **ever** again, I mean that" she pointed at him with ferocity but gave in to Sam's somber eyes. Charlie pulled him in for a hug and the taller man had to bend so much as she stood on her toes but he pulled her in freely, the weight over his eyes fading away the moment she did. 

"Now come on, there's an awesome place near the big windows where we can chill" she pulled on his sleeves and lets her drag him along 

"Okay, so I've been meaning to ask..." She wanders off as they took their seats and let their feet relax underneath a long beige table "...Is it okay for you to talk about it?" She smiles awkwardly and pulls a strand of her hair back. 

"Heh, do I have to? Half of town already knows me as the suicidal 20 something who still lives in his parents house" 

"Don't flatter yourself, everyone knows you're the suicidal 28 year old who still lives in his parents house"

Sam and Charlie stare at each other and then burst out laughing, at which the librarian shushed them

"It's not funny at all" Charlie wipes away a tear as she regains her composure

"Yeah, it's not" Sam smiled and reached out to hold her other hand "I'm just glad you're not treating me like some charity case, it's kind of a recurring theme here" 

"Dean's been a little worried huh?"

"Little would be an understatement. I mean the guy tries to spend time with me every chance he gets, it's exhausting Charlie"

"It's just a scary thing Sam, no one ever said it's easy, this whole life thing" 

"That's what Dean said too...more or less"

They sit in comfortable silence while they held each others hands as the sunlight fell upon their dry skins 

"Tell me about Kara, how is everything going with her?" Sam smiled and rested his face in his hands

"Hah! It's a nightmare to be with a baker" she sticks her tongue out "But it's kinda the best too" a blush appears on her cheeks and Sam teases her for it "Oh stop it! The other day I thought I'd help her out with this new recipe she was experimenting with..."

The day went by with Charlie's stories, she touched every topic ranging from recent releases, her job, mishaps regarding her online ventures and so on and so forth, anything that didn't even scrape the surface of Sam and his predicament.

And before Charlie could realize his intentions the day flew by and she had to leave for her other job  
She glanced at her WoW watch and looked up at Sam, the realization finally reaching her 

"You **ass**! What's the point of us meeting if you just let me do all the talking?" 

"You know how I feel talking about myself, I'm sick and tired of it" he got up and walked beside her, the red headed spectacle was annoyed by how smoothly he glossed over her attempts at having a serious conversation about his situation

"That doesn't mean you just go in your shell Sam! We're family, if you can't talk to us then who else is out there?" 

"I don't know Charlie, I just can't wrap my head around any of this" 

They step outside and feel the warm winds tickle their toes. Charlie inhaled deeply and glows by the sunshine, Sam didn't realize how pale he felt in front of her. He still wasn't used to the outside world in all of it's tortured glory. 

"Sam, we're not forcing you to do anything that you don't like. Even with all the confusion you're dealing with we're dealing with our own version of it, most of all Dean"

"Charlie..."

"I'm just saying that you can take all the time you need with yourself and everything that you feel deserves to be addressed. It's never going to be easy Sam, not after what happened to you" she grabs his arms and rubs her thumb along it "But it may be a little better if there's someone who could **share** it with you, regardless of all the confusion"

Sam shook his head and wore a weak smile"Since when did you start talking like a human being?" 

She beams and pulls on his ear "Since I met you two losers and made you my bitches" Sam flinched by the pain and Charlie only released him after he addressed the red headed minx by her online handle

"Okay okay! Oh Queen of moons, please release me!" He pinches the throbbing ear lobe and rolled his eyes at her, but not with bad intentions. 

"And don't you forget it! I guess I can use this tactic next time you try to hustle me"

"I didn't hustle you"

"Yes you did! You took all of my intel while you gave me nothing. NOTHING!" She laced her arm around his and they stroll down the sidewalk 

"So me taking interest in your life is something you don't like now?" He laughs and quickens his pace with her

"You know what I mean. I wanna know what goes in that tortured head of yours, it's unfair that I can't contribute to your well-being because you keep dodging every attempt"

"I'm not dodging Charlie, I'm just...dealing with it in my own way and just bringing everyone into the mix will just complicate things more and I can't do that to you or Bobby or..."

"Dean" 

"Yeah, exactly. Dean is so persistent, you know what he does when-" 

"No, Sam! I meant **Dean** " she pulls his arm and points towards a spot across town square and where the older Winchester sat on a bench talking to a person in black

_What is he doing here?_

The two of them share a look and continue watching him like prey. He kept talking to the man and had a strange look in his eyes, Sam could sense the familiarity he shared with the stranger. 

"Why is he here all alone? Isn't it a work day?"

Charlie diverted her attention to Sam and waited for his response

"What do you mean alone. He's sitting with another dude, someone I've never seen before"

"Sam? What are you talking about?" 

They look at each other, their frequencies just not adding up the same way it was a few moments ago

"Ch- Do you...can you not see the other person beside him? The one in the trench coat?"

"Sam, there's no one there. It's just Dean on that bench" she reaches out to him and tries to make sense of the light that died down in his eyes. 

_It's happening again_

"I-I have to go Charlie. I'll see you around" Sam walks backwards and starts to run away, successfully evading her grasp in the crowds that began to appear. 

"SAM!" she screamed out and blew a strand of red hair from her face at the loss. She turned to look at the bench again and saw Dean walking away. His head turned a couple of times to say something before he left. 

_What was he on about? There's no one there_

_Right?_  
  


* * *

  
"Dean?" Sam managed to call out even through his heavy breathing, like his soul was slipping through his teeth.

_Why the hell did I run away from Charlie like that?_

He smacked his head at the realization and how stupid he must've looked, good work Sam, now they'll have more reason to think you're crazy 

_But I'm not though, I saw that dude. And Dean did too_

"DEAN!" He bellows again and stomps towards his room, only to find his older brother unconscious on his bed, sprawled out like the bear he was. 

"Dude, wake up. I need to talk to you" he pulled the covers off and Dean groaned by the sudden intrusion

"Whazz the zeal?" He yawned as he rubbed his eyes, he wasn't fazed by Sam's blood struck, crazy eyes 

"Why didn't you go to work today?" He crossed his arms and flipped his hair 

"I got an off, Bobby's orders"

"And when were you going to tell me about what happened last night?"

Dean shuffled from the disheveled bed and stood in front of the taller sibling, his eyes droop but they still possess their usual playfulness, it had been quite some time since Sam's seen him that way 

_What are you hiding?_

"Well..." He yawns again "...I wanted to but you wanted to be somewhere else"

"And?"

"And- what?"

"Dude, you're seriously not gonna talk about it? Or did you finish the conversation with a taunt?"

Dean furrowed his brow and pouts "I mean...what can I say? Some poor bastard got shot and all hell broke loose. I was near the guy and...I don't know, that was it"

"And you don't feel anything? Seeing someone die like that didn't affect you at all?" Sam's voice was slipping towards irritation now. His brother's sluggish movement stopped abruptly and he looked away, his eyes perturbed by the recollection of the memory 

_Oh_ , Sam winced internally "I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bring up dad -"

"What do you want me to say? I don't wanna think about it okay?" He replied pensively as he pushed him out of the way to go to the bathroom. 

"I mean you keep complaining about how I don't share anything so this is big, even from you"

"That is not the same thing" his voice echoed from the tiled chamber

"It...kinda is" Sam groaned and rolled his eyes at how he redirected the question "So are you sure you're okay?"

"Yup"

"And you're not angry at me bringing up, er - he who must not be named?" 

"No" Dean's chuckle is strained but he doesn't feel as morbid as before

"And...there's nothing else you wanna tell me? Nothing at all?" 

Dean flinched as he poured cold water over his face but he remains composed "Nothing that you already know" 

Sam's expressions fall but he turned away before Dean could see him through the mirror. 

_He's gotta be lying, right? There was someone there, I know it._

_Why wouldn't he tell me about it?_

"Okay. I'm taking your word for it" Sam walked away and holed himself in his room once more. The older of the two poked his head out from the doorway and reached out, maybe even considered opening the door and see if he wanted to listen to what he had to say, to tell him how he's been aiding some crazy cosmic being in his righteous path to salvation.

He sounded insane

_But that isn't all that's stopping me, now is it?_

For some reason he felt selfish, he wanted that piece of his life hidden, something that didn't involve Sam or anyone else. 

Was it so bad to keep the angel to himself?  
"Okay, that just sounds wrong" Dean shook his head and tried to hide the blood rushing to his face, **what the hell?!**

_He doesn't need to know about Castiel_

_Not yet_  
  


* * *

  
It was late afternoon, the Kansas winds were fickle and crisp upon his brow as he watched the colours of the sun fade and melt into the clouds, the sensation fascinated him, the feeling ripe within his lips

But he shuts it off. 

_No more of this_ \- Castiel whispered as he gazed at the abandoned building in front of him, focus on the task at hand. His eyes light up and feels his grace tickle his synapses, every atom within this stratosphere lit up within his mind and he felt at ease by the familiar power that surged through him. 

_I sense them. Only one_

He smirked at the view as he furled his wings and let his powers neutralise, looks like he kept his word

He doesn't delay any further and pushed the wide doors inside, the flapping of pigeon wings and a pair of provocative black eyes greet him as he does and his wings flinch by the recognition. 

"Well, hello cowboy" he sneers and dusts his black, coated shoulder "I was wondering if you were gonna show up" 

Castiel winced internally but stood with his hands in his pockets "There's no need for the repartee Crowley, just tell me what I want to know and this can end quickly" 

"Tut, tut. Now is that how you talk to everyone beau? Even that green eyed beef cake you've swiped off the market?"

"Excuse me?" He took offense and stepped forward with his myriad of sharp feathers and menacing blue stare. Crowley grew anxious at the sight and waved his hand sheepishly to explain himself further

"Everyone bloody knows about it, an angel befriending a human without them realising what the hell they're up to, it's quite low even for you Castiel"

He glared at him ominously as his wings fell "That is something that concerns **no one** , especially bottom feeders like you"

_Why did the demon's words affect him?_

"The fact that your other angel twinks are allowing this makes me question hell's standards, we may be bad but at least we're up front about it" his accent is thick in the echoey space that Castiel found hard to ignore "Of course...it doesn't matter to me, I just answer to the guys upstairs, something you haven't been doing last time I recalled"

"Why is it any business of yours to know of my whereabouts and affiliations?" Castiel's voice is barely a whisper but it still resonates with a threatening chill

"Because you're bringing me into your own messes too. First a human and now a demon, you've been a naughty boy Cassie" 

"Crowley. Discuss the matter at hand or else I'll pull out that tongue you love to use to much" he gets in close and felt the demon's abated breaths upon his chest

"Tch, just when the fun stuff was starting" Crowley tuts and looks into the angel's eyes "The souls that you're looking for, they're not under my jurisdiction, they don't even exist down here. You see, the addition of fresh meat has grown kind of stale these past few weeks and my torturers grow weary from all the lack of... _torturing_ , you get the picture"

"It's makes no sense, all of their entries are simply missing. I feared the worst but..."

"There's someone on the inside that's messing with the soul count and this time it isn't us demons doing the dirty work" 

"The only person who has access to it is..."

Castiel's eyes widened at the realization and Crowley scoffs at him with a disgruntled sigh "But even if it is them then what purpose did they wish to fulfill? What were they planning to do with those human souls?" 

Crowley rolled his eyes by how long it was taking him to process this information "This is clearly something that you and your feathered friends need to deal with. Hell needs those juicy souls, just as much as you do"

"I am aware"

"Hmph. I know the big man hasn't been giving his little boys and girls treats for their hard work. I can tell from the lack of constipation on your face that..." He wandered off and suddenly stopped to actually look at Castiel, what was stirring inside that head of his?

"Huh" he somewhat stifles a laugh "Something's off about you" 

Castiel clenched his jaw and squinted at the entity unnervingly "Like I said, you know nothing"

"Ooh, tasty. I think I'll be expecting some angel melodrama pretty soon, it's about time something fun happened for once" he chuckled and walked away in the other direction "Oh and just out of curiosity, has he touched you yet?" 

"Why...does everyone keep asking me that? Obviously he hasn't, if he did he-"

"Hmm, quite a shame" Crowley's eagerness vanished with him and Castiel was left alone with his mind in complete disarray

_He couldn't have possibly known, right?_

That doesn't matter, not now. 

_Billy_

_He needed to speak to Billy_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Congrats on Destiel becoming canon AGAIN in the French dub! I wasn't going to post this chapter so soon but I thought it's a nice occasion and I love my children so HELL YES. 
> 
> Next Time: 
> 
> Castiel digs deeper into the case as he tries to confront the person held responsible but things don't end up the way he had hoped, and with it tensions rise within Castiel and his ordeals surrounding his devotion to heaven and it's cause. 
> 
> Cas and Dean hang out and their conversation is sweet, tender and everything in between, not to mention sad and confusing to the both of them. And another Therapy session with our boy. 
> 
> See you soon!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Previously: 
> 
> Sam and Charlie hang out but it ends abruptly after he sees Dean with the mysterious man who he believes is a reminder of his condition and how it's acting up again, but something tells him that isn't so.
> 
> Castiel contacts Crowley about the missing souls and concluded that someone in heaven was responsible for the misconduct. I mean, who else could know about departed souls?

**The records room**

Everything remained the same as it always had, black with endless bookshelves stretching inwards and towards the centre where a black throne and ominous desk lay, it used to be filled at one point by the previous death. 

The same death that lay near his feet, in ashes

"How could this even happen?" Hannah remerges through the shelves, her lifeless eyes and voice strained by confusion "What purpose did they wish to fulfill?" 

"Billy knew we were onto them, what other choice did they have?"

"But to...end yourself willingly?" 

He almost scoffed at the question

"You haven't been among humans long enough to know Hannah, sometimes to them death is the only way out, especially when you know you're going to get caught" Castiel knelt down and watched the grey dust sizzle, the smoke still heavy in the air reeking of stale, burnt death. Billy's scythe lingered within the dust but he was wary of picking it up, he knew better than to touch it. 

"What shall we do now? Without Billy there's..."

"This is something the higher ups need to deal with, it doesn't concern us"

"Castiel" she stood on the other side of the pile and he looked at her, his eyes stringent but composed "How can you trust them with something like this?" 

"I don't. But what choice do I have?" he stands up, defeated "In a few moments this issue will be resolved and we can continue our search, this doesn't change anything" he turned around and sensed the shrill static in his mind and squinted as he pieced it together. When it waned the trench coated angel looked at Hannah, who wore the same expression, her grace slowly fading from her eyes "Angel radio" she whispered

"They've decided" he spoke with an endless knot in his stomach. They made their way higher, up into the sacred sanctum where the archangels awaited.

* * *

  
The house was quiet this night, Dean nested near the fire with a warm cloak over his shoulders and a glass of whiskey in hand. Things felt normal again in this time and space, if only they stayed a little longer. 

It's 1 am on a Thursday and the days that led to this night were relatively easy to get through. Phone calls from friends and neighbours were frequent and every recall of the event had become stale and overused on his tired tongue. They meant well but it overwhelmed him how many were waiting to catch him when he fell, it wasn't a pleasant feeling to have. 

But there was an upside to all of this. 

Sam started talking to him again even if it was in bits and pieces, he told him about Charlie, his sessions and how the doctor made him reflect on everything internal, whatever that meant. Dean knew he was being a lot more honest than he's been in recent times and he didn't question anything, he only listened. 

He just wished he could get the sight of his little brother's limp and blood stained body out of his head. 

He flinched and drank in one swing, every time that image flashed before his eyes he had a hard time coping with the fear that somewhere along the line he might do it again, it's an unsettling thought to have but what else could he do? He was afraid of things going sour so quickly with Sam whenever he tried to address whatever hell that spiraled in that mental staircase of his. And the worst part? All he could do was **wait**. He hated that word with a surmountable passion 

Dean hears the familiar rustling behind him and jolts by the sound, it was embarrassing how excited and scared he felt from it

"Hello Dean" 

"...Seriously?" 

"That is still...the term?"

Castiel's face glows by the fire flickering away and he gets caught in the motion completely, Dean had to pull away in order to swallow the lump in his throat

_Why does he look good every time?_

"Yeah, and a lot of things" he stood up and placed the glass on the table to his left "You don't even give me a warning before you drop in, for all you know I could be on a nice date"

"Well, you weren't"

"Now wait a min-" he cuts off "You know what? I don't care" his lower lip stretched into a pout as he nodded, the way it always did after a drink or two, maybe four "Because I'm not interested in anything you have to say" the man layered with copper plaid turned slowly to see the feathered individual who was still staring at the fire 

"Cas? Look at me" he tries to hide his concern but it slipped out anyway. The angel settled down in front of the fireplace with his extended hands, why was he-?

"CAS!?" He started running at the sight and slid down beside him, just a few inches away from his knee grazing Cas' 

"It's okay, it doesn't hurt. See?" Castiel directed Dean's eyes with his voice and he watched hesitantly, internally hissing at his unscathed hands dancing in the fire. 

"Cas?" Dean pulls him in with his deep tone and Castiel finally managed to look at him as he pulled his hands away, the blue within his eyes were a lot more grim than he had seen them "Something's different about you" 

His eyes bulge at Dean's intuition and looked away, completely terrified by the sincerity behind his words "How can you tell?" He crossed his legs and placed his hands on his knees

"Well first of all you stuck your hand into the fire like a maniac"

Castiel blows air through his nose and shook his head at the description

"And secondly, I...I don't know - your eyes t-they look more..." He wavered with his words but it was hard to keep a grip over himself when he was this close to the chiseled entity and in this mood lighting 

_Burdened, you look burdened. That's what I want to say_

"You're quite well versed in reading microexpressions. That's impressive" Castiel pulled his trenchcoat off and let's it slide from his shoulders to reveal a jet black suit, tie and a grey dress shirt that fit his body nicely. Dean wiped the sweat off his brow and licked his lips at the view but obviously he wasn't going to let him see that "I am...conflicted" 

"You...wanna talk about it?" 

He doesn't respond 

"You know, you still owe me"

"How so?" Castiel smirked and Dean felt a wave of glee surge through his body

"You haven't told me anything about what you do and who you are" 

Castiel swallowed hard but chose to address the question "You can ask me anything that I have the capability of answering" 

"Finally!" Dean exclaimed and started rubbing his hands maliciously. He turned his body sideways and faced the angel completely. Castiel's wings unfurl by his gesture, almost like he was within kin and didn't need to hide. The cherub decided to turn towards him as well, ensuring the distance between them was reasonable enough. 

"Okay...so uh, what's he like? The big man?" 

"They're...I'm not sure really, It's hard to describe someone you haven't really met"

"What?!" He squealed kiddishly 

"God's never around, they're usually off world and they've made it somewhat...permanent, for the last few centuries or so" 

"Damn...I-I honestly don't know what to say to that. How the hell have you guys been managing everything without the puppet master?"

Castiel tilted his head sideways, like a turtle craning out of its shell "That's an odd term to use to address the all father" 

Dean sighed as he prepared himself for another lecture, the ones he outgrew after his family stopped giving a shit but he was pleasantly surprised by his answer

"It's quite fitting" he laughs but it's short-lived, Dean couldn't help but feel immeasurable joy at the sound "I can't believe I - the others would smite me for a joke like that" 

"Well I'm not the others you speak of, if you haven't noticed" 

"That's true" he hums and catches Dean off guard with his gaping stare. The intensity was starting to get awkward and the man coughed uncomfortably towards his next question 

"So...tell me, are all the angels like you?"

"In what way?"

"You know...not with a stick up their ass, basically"

"I suppose...not. We all differ in our own ways, I just managed to learn gestures and expressions in order to make communication with humans easier" he places his face in his hands and blinks slowly "But we have our restrictions, just like everything else"

"Free will?"

Castiel looked at him, impressed "Yes, that's exactly it" 

"Heh, I've had my fair share with religion and all the oxymorons that exist within it" he bit his lip and gazed at the blue eyed being with admiration "Never could've guessed that some of that stuff may actually be legit" 

"You'd be surprised at how much there is out there. This world is full of strange adversaries but... it's the most unique as well" 

They share a comfortable silence that lasted a few seconds "Okay so, what about you? What kind of angel are you?" 

"What kind?" He swallowed roughly

"I know all the archangels a-and scribes and stuff so which one are you?"

Castiel feels a stinging sensation in his bones, the kind that begs him to pull back and escape even as the answer lingered through his mind, he was at a loss.

**He deserves the truth**

"I'm a lesser angel and I serve everyone else above me. Scribes and all"

"Huh, so basically you're a corporate slave like the rest of us?" Dean chuckled and slapped the floor beside him, the gesture made Castiel smile even if he felt differently on the inside

"Okay, so I won't ask any more after this since you're kinda out of it..." Dean spoke softly as he tapped his chin. Castiel noticed the dull stubble that spread to his cheeks and his lips that glistened by the beverage from before. The gold specks that swam in his eyes and the peppered freckles upon his cheeks and the bridge of his nose, he couldn't help but continue counting the many features that danced by the fire's light but he decided to hold back, this was unseemly even for him. 

_What is happening to you Castiel?_

"Okay so...is everyone in heaven as **devastatingly** handsome as you?" Dean blurted out before he realized what he had said, the horror in his eyes brought out a stifled laugh from the angel and he hid his face in his hands even with the massive grin on his lips. 

"Don't ask stupid questions" Castiel softened his tone and feels his grievances from before burn away with the flames. Dean's slow chuckle brought him back but he frowned internally at the other man's intention to depart

"I guess this is where we part ways -" he yawned and scrambled to his feet

An unfathomable knot appeared in the angel's chest and managed to constrict his usual, calm demeanor. 

"Dean?!" Castiel pleaded as he watched him walk away. His uncontrollable desire slipped through the cracks and paralyzed the older Winchester. 

_Why are you acting this way? Stop it Castiel_

"N-nevermind. I'll...just hold back here for a while, that's all I wanted to say" Castiel turned away and lost himself in the fire, trying hard to hide his embarrassment 

He heard Dean's footsteps linger and shut his eyes by the sound, it was too much for him to bear - too much for him to feel, something he detested about himself. 

_Don't go._

He shook his head to expell the thought somehow but relief spread to his angelic core as the same warmth reappeared.

"Yeah, clearly you don't want to be left alone for whatever reason" he groaned as he settled down beside him

"You're mistaken. That was just-" 

"Save it. I know when someone doesn't want to be alone so don't try to fake your way out of it" 

Castiel gulped and gave in to the offer, his guilt piling up as he looked away. He flinched by an unfamiliar material that spread across his shoulders and rubbed his thumb along the soft texture. He looked at Dean questioningly, head tilt and all

"Since you prefer not being touched so I'm offering this cloak as a token of comfort" he rolled his eyes at the words that escaped his lips "That sounded better in my head"

"T- I'm not sure what I can say" 

"You don't have to, just...sit and let the moment take you elsewhere" he winked and stifled a yawn as he watched the flames. Castiel nodded and stared in the same direction, waiting for something to happen within the charred pieces of wood. 

_But nothing happens_

_Or maybe everything does?_

"I..." The angel started off again and Dean turned his head slowly at the sound, his listless eyes glowing the most radiant of greens "...I wanted to be around someone who wasn't an angel or a demon o-or any form of entity. I just wanted to be with...someone who didn't know me" 

Dean breathed a dissatisfied hum, _I guess I don't know him. He's not wrong but -_ he lost his train of thought as Castiel looked at him only to find him blinking and staring back "Do you ever...doubt, Dean?"

"Every damn second of my life" he smiled and Castiel's face contorted along with him, trying to mimick the emotion from the inside "I guess you fluffy winged sons of bitches can't escape that either?" 

"I suppose not" he murmured and started tracing circles on the floor. Dean's eyes shifted between his finger and his face and he found himself entranced by even the most insignificant of behaviours by the spectacle beside him.

**So controlled and collected. Everything he wasn't.**

"Why do you not like being touched? Is it like a medical condition? Cuz I've heard of those and-" Dean broke the silence and he shut his eyes harshly, what compelled him to ask **that?!**

"Medical?" Castiel yelped unnaturally but the same profound and secretive voice took charge again "Angels aren't supposed to...touch humans because their vessels cannot fathom even an ounce of angelic grace, especially from skin to skin contact"

"Well..." He has his questioning cap on "...the guy back in the club didn't combust when you..."

Castiel's eyes subdue a more complicated emotion from within and Dean suppressed the overflow of questions as he melted in his vulnerable gaze.

"He was dying, that's why. Isn't it?"

Castiel nodded slowly and Dean rubbed his hand across his face, another failed attempt at hiding the growing drowsiness in his eyes. 

_Did you know he was gonna die, Cas?_

_No. Can't ask him that_

"Okay, this stuff is depressing so we can just talk about something else, you up for it?"

Castiel reflected an infectious wave of vigor into Dean as he straightened himself. He couldn't hide how much the blue eyed being fascinated him

"Are vampires real?"

"No"

"Werewolves?"

"No"

"Okay how about sirens?"

"Not the kind that popular media has fed your minds"

The night passed by with their frivolous musings and before they realized it the sun had started to appear. Dean had fallen asleep on the floor beside him a few hours or so before but the angel still remained, as if he were perched on his shoulder - the thought made him laugh. Dean breathed softly as his arms curled around one another near his chest, his face is flushed from the alcohol and the laughter that resided in his system and it started to fade from his cheeks. It was a shame to leave after the night he had spent here - Castiel thought, in this unblemished sanctuary that called out to him more so than anywhere else. He extended his hand and let it hover over the human's face, hopelessly losing himself in tracing every atom that made him Dean Winchester.

He fought the impulse stirring inside of him, to touch him and his soul - to be wanted and be understood, to know what this human beside him felt every time he believed the lies he kept spewing out. 

**Castiel, you're the perfect candidate. Who else could do the job better?**

He feels buried by the sickening feeling as he stood. He spread the cloak over Dean as he breathed underneath him, the angel's curiosity bubbled near the surface but he pulled away.

Castiel faded into nothingness, the remains of the night bathed in his massive wings and the sky breathed with it's bright hues all over again, the dawn just a reminder of the things yet to come. 

_Time is running out_

* * *

  
"How are you doing today Sam?" The doctor adjusted his glasses and sniffled away the dust "Have you been sleeping alright?"

Sam tapped his fingers on his knees and pulled up his mustard yellow plaid sleeves, it was a routine of his at this point to avoid the unavoidable until he found the strength to answer

"I've been sleeping a lot, more than I'd like to admit"

He nodded slowly but didn't intervene, Sam took it as a cue to continue 

"Well...when I was in college I used to be pretty good with my sleep schedules. Morning or evening it didn't really matter, I always managed to be well rested" 

"Alright" he scribbled something into his file "What was college like for you?"

"Umm, yeah I was actually in law school, I was interested in criminal law and I even took up some extra courses to actually know if that's what I wanted to do but..."

A pang of guilt and anger crashed through him as he shut his eyes, for some reason he found it hard to look at his therapist and continue 

"It's alright Sam, take your time" he soothed the turmoil in his head and managed to pull Sam back to his senses, although fleeting

"That's when-uh, that's when my dad died. He..." He gulped and took a hesitant breath "He died from a heart attack" 

"I see. And that's when the voices started to-?" 

"Yeah, almost instantly" 

"How long has it been since his death?"

"I was 22 at the time so...6 years almost" 

"Hmm" he pouts and flicked his pen on the file "How has everything been since his passing?" 

"Me? Well, I thought I was fine for most part - but my brother took it really badly and my mom leaving didn't make things any easy for us. He was...just a corpse roaming around the house with his endless bottles of beer. It felt like dad was roaming the halls again and...I was just, there. You know? The most unaffected from it all"

"Why were you unaffected?" 

"Things weren't really easy with dad, him and his dictatorship and tyranny over our lives, expecting us to be this pinnacle of manhood and how everything would be better if you just...suck it up"

"Was he emotionally unavailable to you and your brother?"

"Unavailable would be a term to use for someone who was actually available to begin with. Dad was just...he was so full of regrets and somehow his bitterness infected us too" 

"Do you resent him for it?"

"Oddly enough, no. There were moments where I did and I mainly left for college because of him but...it's just hard to really grasp the reality that he's gone, you know? It still feels like he'll just come around the corner and call out to us like he used to for shooting practice or something" 

"I see. How did you manage things during that time? Especially considering your condition?"

"I...heh, I feel like I didn't do anything. Dean was the one who kept things intact, the house, the constant drabble with mom and even after her decision to leave...all of those moments just feel...so obsolete. Like the life I had with my parents never really existed"

"Did your brother share that sentiment?"

"...No. Not at all, he still holds a grudge over dad dying and... he's just angry over how he didn't redeem himself or even bothered to tell his sons he was sorry for what he did. He practically worshipped the guy even with his grievances so his death definitely changed him" 

"Did his death not change anything for you?"

"My...my case was different. I was affected in another form and it manifested in a more...weird way"

"I see" The therapist places the file on the table to his left and laced his fingers together, his eyes full of intrigue and devotion

"Yeah" he scoffed awkwardly

"Since our last session you never really mentioned what those voices told you that led to the incident. Would you like to discuss it?"

Sam rubbed his thumb along the other and contemplated what he should say next, what else was there? He was getting tired by all the talking

"Sometimes the voice...it sounded like dad and other times I could even hear mom's voice in the mix. But as time passed I started hearing- I started hearing my brother and...I didn't know what else to do at the time. Some nights it got so hard that I had to take sleeping pills to just numb out the constant, negative symposium in my head" he wiped a tear and shuffled uncomfortably in his seat, adjusting and readjusting himself just so he could feel some sense of control "It's just...I don't think I wanna talk about this" 

"That's alright. You've accomplished much more than last time and I commend you for it Sam, it's very brave of you to talk about these things"

"Yeah. Not so much" he scoffed and pulled back a strand of hair

"There's no need for you to be this hard on yourself, recovery isn't easy and you - being fully aware of how agonizing of a process all of this is - still walked through that door and came to me, no matter how heavy it felt to push through them. That shows strength Sam and whether you like it or not you should know it's an attribute many may see as weakness"

Sam felt lighter by his words, he didn't understand how he managed to say something that hit him in innumerable ways and still drove him towards a better version of himself, a version he no longer believed existed. 

_How was he able to do that?_

"That concludes our session for today, it was really good to hear from you Sam and I hope you'll be coming next week?"

"Yeah. I'm not going anywhere" Sam dusted his pants and started walking away until the doctor called and made him stop "There's something I'm prescribing you and I want you to take it once every two days" he scribbled onto a small notepad and tore the page "You can get the 20 mg pill bottle from almost any pharmacy. It's not an antipsychotic per se but think of it as a trial period for safe measure"

Sam clenched his fists at the cursive font and swallowed the massive lump in his throat "Hey, so...do I have to take these? I just - I don't want to dive into the whole pills thing all over again, you know?"

"I understand" he nodded with a small smile "Tell you what? Keep a hold of it and if you feel like you need some help then follow the prescription and if you feel better without them then that's good too" he grinned as he walked away with his hands in his pockets. 

"I don't know..."

"There's no pressure Sam, like I said it's a process, we take things slowly and work our way through it, one step at a time" he gazed at him and tilted his head "This is merely just a precautionary step, that's all"

"Alright. I guess I'll hold on to it. So, next week same time?"

"You know where to find me. Goodbye Sam" he waved and Sam did the same, his smile in disarray from the folded piece of paper in his pocket

_Just a precaution_

_That's all_

* * *

  
"Ow! Son of a-" Dean hisses and sucked on his index finger "Me and my big mouth" he tuts and wore the grey oven mitts he was hoping to avoid.

The sweet floury scent of the pie spread throughout the house as he placed it on the counter to cool, the apple-y scent was making him salivate. 

"Now...we wait" he mused as he closed the oven and started cleaning the messy countertops, humming along as he does. 

"Dean?" 

He jumps and clutches onto his chest, the physical tension from before now replaced by confusion by the angel's sudden appearance.   
"St-stop doing that Cas, it's just freaky" 

"I'm sorry" he lowered his gaze and eyed the pie in front of him "What are you doing?"

Dean's eyes widen at the absurd question with the physically apparent answer "What's it look like? I'm baking" 

"Are you still baking?" His eyes follow Dean as he moved around and continued dusting and cleaning 

"No, but I still have to clean up around here"

"It has to wait" he walked quickly and stood in front of Dean, urging him to stop

"Why are you being so cryptic? Sam is gonna be here any minute so I don't plan on going anywhere" 

"Dean this is important, you said you'd help me" 

"I said I would but right now isn't a good time Cas-"

"We don't have time to argue, so please hold still"   
"CAS - WAI-"

The wet cloth in his hand plops to the floor and the room becomes still again and mere seconds later a tall brunette walked through the door, his face twisted in a scowl with plastic bag in hand.

"Dean?" Sam's voice echoed through the house as he caught sight of the fresh pie "I swear I heard him just now..." He calls out a few times and even dials his number. To his dismay his phone vibrated near the coffee machine.

_Typical._

Sam rubbed his eyes and sought shelter in his room as the afternoon glow waned and melted into shades of indigo and black, his mind fearful for the perilous night to come. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone. I'm sorry for the delay, really hectic week and it's still going sadly, let's just hope things get settled soon ugh! 
> 
> Next time: 
> 
> Cas and Dean's second mission! Something a little more towards the SPOOKY side. It ended up becoming a lot longer than intended and it's mostly angst and some really NON HETERO EMOTIONS AND FIREWORKS STIRRING HEHE
> 
> Oh and the pie from this chapter? It makes a come back. 
> 
> Stay tuned!! 
> 
> I hope all of you like it so far.


End file.
